God I can't wait to have my phone textbombed every night
Spent $1500 on bottle service and have a lump on my head from hitting the nightstand while puking. Excess? Nooo Success.
My teachers should feel privileged to see me this morning, after the amount of alcohol I consumed last night.
Do you think the party boat will still go out if there is a hurricane?
either she was really happy we won flip cup, or she was too drunk to notice her boyfriend behind her.
i'm traumatized. his orgasm face consisted of him looking like my dead grandfather and burping.
how the hell did this chicken wing end up in my cast?!
i’m not very adjusted to having free time. for example, I forgot how much fun it is to masturbate.
Its a sick, sad, world when parents get more ass then you.
Only I could get hit on by homophobic straight guys in a drag bar.
HahahahahaHAHAHAHAHAHAHA MY LIFE IS A CAUTIONARY TALE
oh you can't commit, don't have any real ambitions, and love to drink PBR? well.... sign me up!
...hi
YOU SHOULD BE ASHAMED OF YOURSELF
Ok cool I was afraid you'd never speak to me again. I can work with this.
So turns out my new assistant isn't really my assistant. The owner needed a title for his FWB so his wife wouldn't catch on. I got a three hundred a month credit limit boost on my corporate credit card instead.
Used my power pack to charge my vibrator so I didn't have to unplug my switch or my galaxy lamp. TECHNOLOGY!
Randomize
