Omg I just drooled on the screen of my phone from smiling with my mouth open while textin bahahahaahah
just come out here and I will go home with you...
Today I realized that I've had whole drunk relationships with people. And sober me has and wants no part in it.
Anything that's based on a blow job I'm in favor of.
A 14 year old with a teardrop tattoo just tried to sell me weed. I'm in the wrong fucking neighborhood.
Im at the hospital with monitors on and a giant green top hat. i blew a 24somethin. Im fucked.
I just want you to know that I hid the weed. Once you find another job, I'll tell you where it is. Happy Hunting, bro.
The bad news is tonight is also a blue moon, ergo, latin, I will have to get 'once in a blue moon' drunk which I feel is significantly more dangerous than IPO drunk
Officially drug you out of White Castle last night by the hood on your sweatshirt after you cussed out the attendant and stole the satisfaction guaranteed sign because they were closed!
And then we felt it necessary to continue drinking for another 4 hours, yikes
If I am telling you about the details of the shits I take I probably don't want to have sex with you. Probably.
I almost died in that meeting. Nearly dried up and blew away in the pure powder form of boredom
I know that feel bro
Sometimes intelligent conversation doesn't mix well with a romantic interest. It's possible the two are best kept separate. Toys should just stay in the toy box.
Spent 38 bucks on dollar wells last night. I'm pretty sure my liver is staging a mutiny right now.
The shitshow that was last night is the gift that just keeps on giving
Yes I went home with her last night. I woke up this morning and ran into my boss on the way to the bathroom. Monday is going to suck at work.
Randomize
