Dude, the girl next to me just farted. Worst part, it smells like astroglide
remind me to tell you what i found stuck to me this morning
My mom is making me buy a single zucchini, I look like someone who can't afford a dildo
We spent three hours cleaning our room this morning. It was spotless and smelling good. I come home from work tonight and she has already smoked weed in it and "accidently" spilled vodka on the floor.
I got kicked out of the bar but no one cared, I dont have any money so i stayed outside with the bouncer for an hour and he got so sick of me he let me back in on the condition that i cant leave my seat. VISIT ME
Lying on this bed is like lying on love and marshmallows and joy
He's grinding topless with a group of girls to that discovery channel song. May I take a message?
There something about a girl that pirates lemonade off a restaurant fountain as a mixer that I find intriguing.
your vagina must have magic restorative powers I feel rested and powerful this morning.
And noooow we're smoking a ton of REALLY strong weed and THIS IS THE SOFTEST CAT EVER
after attempting to eat a candy cane bigger than my hand i have determined there's no way to eat this that doesn't seem erotic
Like these jerks could have told me it wasn't a video call, I wouldn't have put on pants.
Why am I a human magnet for the worst dicks of the world?
Sorry 4 always trying to rope you into my sexual exploits
Youre saying I should leave him? Have you seen the dating pool these days? It's terrifying, and in the capital region it's straight Norman Bates
Randomize
