Anywhere you can eat green eggs and ham, you can have sex.
susan atkins died, charles manson's lady
dont cry, there are other serial killers to crush on.
i just called corporate taco bell to ask about the life span of a chicken burrito.
I got a job at a micro-brewery. Now who made the bigger mistake, them or me?
Considering the fact that you wouldn't give me my cat last night because he was "destined for broadway", yeah, I'm accusing you of stealing him
the ladder is at the bottom of the pool
You should offer shots at parent teacher conferences..I bet more ppl come
and you stopped teaching...why?
I was drunk petting a fox and taking shots of Jager. That's about as outdoorsy as it gets.
The spark has left our relationship. i used to make slightly inflammatory jokes at you. you would retaliate in jest. look at this. look at what is happening here.
i just woke with half a bagel saran wrapped to my phone and a cookie in an envelope beside my head...
Never should have deleted her from my facebook. My new girl is so much hotter than she is, I just want to passive aggressively rub it in her face
Apparently I blamed my BAC on the Saint Louis Cardinals...how is that not a valid excuse?!
I went to Christian school in the 90s. I can finger blast anything, but dignity.
Hey guys so who is Justin McGoo and why did I text him "fuck yooooouuu juuuustiiin mcgooo" at 12:06am on Thursday night?
I got sriracha sauce on my mask while I was eating fast food, now wearing it makes me hungry
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