You know it's an interesting night when you drunkenly scream at your boss, "You'd make a HORRIBLE OBGYN!! You're hands are ENORMOUS!"
i'm making a list of conversation topics in my blackberry so the ride won't be so awkward
He wore homemade jorts on our first date. I'm not sure if I should leave now or embrace the white trash lust and marry him
He booked us a hotel at a resort in cancun for sprng break... I just wanted to get laid this weekend when i was blackout i didnt know it was gonna spiral into a mess of events like a 5 month in advance commitment
I was told to ask you about memoirs of a geisha.
Throwing up so forcefully that toilet water hits you in the face is not what the Pilgrims and Indians had in mind for this holiday
He left his shoes, boxers and socks at my house & managed to walk home to his dorm without realizing anything was missing until 3 days after. That's the last time i'll ever hook up with a freshman.
So I commented on one of his pictures "who do I have to give a full effort blow job to, to get the Ides of March movie poster behind you" he responded with a number that wasn't his. I still texted it. I love that movie.
The sound of my own breathing is making my head throb. That hungover.
True love: he brought me a margarita while was in the shower. He's a keeper.
Life lesson 8263 if drinking a beer in the shower be careful when shampooing... Tresemme flavored rolling rock sucks
Well you busted in the house and yelled with pride about Uber giving you a ride over with your new bong.
Wall of shame with a backpack full of beer bottles, cowboy hat in hand, and a handlebar mustache. I was applauded by a passing car
Kelly and I just had sex, and you didn't call or text to interrupt, are you alive? We are both concerned.
Currently looking up Winnie-the-Pooh porn.
Randomize
