"Ever since I killed her kid she be actin' shady." Actual quote overheard at Marine World just now. Oh God.
i forgot what you looked like. so we left to get pizza. sorry
nothing can go wrong this weekend. $1500 to spend. i have options for hookups every night. my backup plans have backup plans
i want to cheat with him just to show his girlfriend what a terrible person he is.
woke up this morning to find the entire staircase covered in marinara sauce, with my roommate practically sobbing and scrubbing the wall with carpet cleaner.
He kept spanking me and talking about biomedical science.
Aw, you fucked a pre-med? you're moving up in the world!
i mean, what better way to remind him of his failures in life than to fuck his roommate/fraternity brother?
you left me with this keg alone. this is on your hands
Nope we are at the ER my brothers crazyass neighbor kinda stabbed him in the neck. He's gonna be fine.
Turns out both me and my grandpa have a guilty pleasure for South American men.
I woke up with gum stuck to my nipple piercings this morning.. So there's that.
So vagazzling was a success
I can't wait to get to LA so I can punch her in the face
WHY DON'T YOU WANT TO BE MY ESKIMO BRO
I woke up with a pillow, shampoo and a plant in my fridge. Eggs in the toilet, and I was wearing three pairs of girls underwear. What happened last night
Randomize
