guess who just spent driver's ed figuring out how to draw a guy giving head
What are you drinking?
Shitty Coors light. OM NOM NOM TASTES LIKE HIGH SCHOOL
She wouldn't stop telling me the story of the penis and how she got laid.
my tits taste like a pina colada. how often do you get to say that?
We've finally come to the understanding that as long as our conversation stays stricaly sexual, we get along.
Thanks for convincing the hot dog guy to give me one for $1 after I drunkenly dropped the first one. I loved your reasoning "I know you mark that shit up! I work in retail!"
Spending my graduation money on an abortion. Welcome to the real world.
Nobody in the ambulance liked me...
he's definitely still old enough to be your dad. even your grandfather, if you come from a line of juvenile delinquents
my binge eating and her being stoned all the time has reduced us to a bowl of chinese candies, frozen bacon and a stick of butter, we do however have enough alcohol to start our own liquor store.
Wait I'm all alone with a guy and his turtle
I'm having a martini with dinner. A new level of class.
I'm stoned and eating mustard, also a new level of class.
Phil and I agree that the level of sand in your vagina rivals that of many of the earth's largest deserts
Places I vomited today: hotel bathroom, in the cab to the airport, airport bathroom, airport terminal trashcan, plane seat 18E, and the plans bathroom
Fun wedding?
Yes. Very.
And on the way out from Applebee's he tried to take the basket of toothpicks claiming he was using them as a tax write off. Last time I babysit my dad on thirsty Thursday.
Randomize
