I look better un-naked...
bad idea #53- masterbating while on period.
def just vomited mimosa in the gym trashcan. i weigh less already so i say its been a solid workout.
Sunburnt clitoris. How do I deal with it.
Alone. In an inflatable pool. Drinking vodka and raspberry lemonade. I don't need approval as much as I need to know you love me still.
We were confused who drove until we went outside and her cupholders were torn out of the dash and laying on the ground
Like I had to call my dad because I couldn't manage to unlock the door. And when he got there to open it I was climbing the gate to get in.
I'll be there in spirit. Right there in your vagina.
Dear awkwardly drunk roommate, thanks for stuffing enough change in my clevage that I could afford a pepsi at work today. Sincerely awesome roommate that put up with your drunk ass
All three of us got laid last night. This is what is commonly referred to as the Trifuckta.
I want to get up and tell you that smells delicious but I'm struggling with the idea of pants
I asked you for a cigarette and you handed me your phone and told me to search for one
I'm by myself. some Midwest chick is hitting on me because I gave her a deviled egg. I need the distraction.
Somehow my life has turned in to drug deals at the bar, and illegally camping on a mountain because I have no where else to live.
i had sex with a girl named after a fruit last night and it was the best thing to happen to me in 2020
Randomize
