she likes to give head while listening to britney spears, getting blown by a girl with headphones on is a nice level of separation
i just sold a bong and some oregano to fifth graders for sixty dollars. doing something tonight?
Woke up un the hot tuv. Climbed out fo the hot tub and fell asleeo. Woke ip again in the hot tub.
I mean, I don't even call it a hangover anymore. It's just morning.
so the party was at my house but some how i ended up being the only one who slept outside
He wore a Medeval Times crown while I gave him a BJ
We both bought three foot bongs...going to race to see who can smoke a mile first.
On a lighter note, the guy I gave a lap dance to then fell asleep on his crotch just facebook friend requested me..
I remember just enough about last night to wish I didn't remember anything.
So ive narrowed my options down to getting food or masturbating. Don't judge me
I don't care. I'll text you about my butthole whenever I please. That's what you signed up for in this relationship.
Made my roommate send me tit pics so I could send them to someone because I didn't want to move.
He brought me hungover chipotle knowing full well he wasn't getting a blow job. I think he may be too in love with me.
you were so drunk that when the mouse on your laptop didnt work anymore you decided to just take it into the bathroom and pee on it while laughing like a mad scientist.
He's here walking around DRUNK AS FUCK in a Kobe Bryant number 8 jersey... Tucked in.
Randomize
