I woke up and my panties were thumbtacked to his wall. Out of my reach.
I drunkenly recorded an episode of Family Matters last night. I took a shot everytime Carl Winslow had a mustache.
when i'm not drinking i'm making facebook events about drinking
i wish i could swallow nair and shit it out and it would get rid of all my ass hair.
Well he asked to have a sober hang out so i guess that constitutes as a date in college
he just told me i make him happier than drugs. that's some serious shit right there
No its cool I don't even have to do anything he is rapping to one of the strippers. He is punishing himself enough.
I just beer bonged. Soco and spite please get on my levvl my hair is in buns
He will. He has no choice. What's he gonna do? Find a better fuck buddy? We both know that's not possible. I'm the ideal friend with benefit. Minus snoring and uneven tits.
Seriously, you can't give someone's wife an orgasm on the dance floor of a gay nightclub and then hang out with her husband the following week
I'm dealing with this like an adult, cupcakes and beer.
I'll be visiting the rave tower. Prepare your finest boxed wines for my consumption.
Turns out Edward 40 hands and life-sized jenga is really hard...Didn't stop you from trying. How is your concussion?
I can't tell if my heart is fluttering because I love him... or if it's palpitating from all the coke.
I always know im high when I can't remember how to pee.
Randomize
