a queef is a wish your heart makes.
come home now. i got a twizzler tangled in my hair again
i chipped my tooth tryin to cut thru her pantyhose. that stuff is bulletproof.
He won't let me have sex with him, but feels bad if I won't let him get me off. It is the weirdest, best, most confusing pseudo relationship I've been in.
Just because its your birthday does not mean u can play quarters by dropping quarters into cups to make me drink.
He was drinking a long island through his Breathalyzer tube.
Maybe STDs were invented to keep stupid people from having kids.
I did what any insensitive guy would do bought her friends shots and tried to fuck them
Sorry I couldn't make it...got a scrambled voicemail, all I heard was "Bring the dildo"
People will call it the Wrath of the Froyo. We'll be immortalized.
I'm taking a pole dancing class this morning. Can I put you down as my emergency contact? I'm NOT putting my mother
Hey guys.. So I accidentally broke the front door last night
The gate guard just said to me, "I almost didn't recognize you in uniform. Welcome back." I think I need to lay off the booze.
you said, "I wonder what your mum is doing right now." in the middle of sex, of course I threw up on you.
I was like ahh were on two different pages, I know there's rumors of me moving to boston but I can't and I'm not adding long distance to the relationship I have with my 31 year old recently divorced ex boss
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