So this snow storm is NOT helpin my masturbation problem
He kept buying me shots of tequila. I decided to just save myself the half hour of toilet hugging and tell him straight up that I intended on sleeping with him. We got Tacos on the way home with all the money we saved.
I puked in the revolving door and had to sit down on the escalator. That hungover. It's safe to say people are judging me.
Just realized I have to keep sleeping with him... those scars from drunk sex on the 4th of July are still on my back and lord knows I'm not about to explain that to another guy.
Well now that I've given all the athletes mono there goes our chance of winning any conference championship
I ended up taking shots of whiskey and chasing them with potato wedges, I have never felt more Irish
Not enough clothes on. Not enough vagina. Not enough drugs in my body.
I just feel like a girl who's never eaten a pb&j probably doesn't swallow
He asked me out while I'm back in town. I have to acknowledge and honor his persistence.
Your vagina must be laced with cocaine...
And please let him know I don't normally go off on long rants about feminist theory. That was totally the vodka talking.
He started saying the pledge of allegiance so his boner would go down. Merica.
You need to finger her with the Spock hand sign since she loves Star Trek.
so I think we need to change lawn care services...the guy woke me up by the pool while I was naked...told me he already picked up all the beer cans for us and gave me his number for the next time we party...
Plus my parents would be pissed if I spent Thanksgiving in jail... again.
We were talking about kinky shit, and I suggested a hand job in church.
How'd that go over?
Praise the lord and pass the lotion.
Randomize
