Question: why is there a dildo glued to my kitchen table?
I need to have sex with someone before he does. I need to win this break up!
i can't wait to kiss dudes with my vampire teeth in.
not only did i manage to get kicked out of the bar, i also got kicked out of denny's. i didnt even know that was possible.
I went golfing for the first time today!! Aren't you proud?
Driving a golf cart around all day with a keg attatched to the back doesn't exactly count as golfing
i feel like everytime i say im going to quit drinking someone comes along with a better idea about drinking
I'm handcuffed to the toilet. Don't ask
update: ifinallt managed t5o be in a. Horizontal position without throwing up... the snmall victories.
Goats are brash and offensive and cocky animals
Are you high and at a petting zoo again?
That's the point of day drinking, get fucked up by 6pm so you can get stuff done the next day. It's the adult thing to do.
But hes like a baby bird with a broken wing that i want to FUCK.
I'm not drinking anymore...and by that, I mean until St. Patrick's Day.
I should have made a run for it. Seriously who calls the cops on themselves and goes to jail. ...on a Monday.
I danced with a french guy who licked the sweat off my neck and poured a drink on me. Not gonna lie, that shit was refreshing
I will buy you batman underwear babe. I'll make sure you wear them every time we have to adult.
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