Do you think there are girls out there that really do like small penis?
Would you want me to push you down the stairs OR throw you a baby shower?? Real talk
Charging the asians next door to us $5 a page to print their final papers because theirs broke. Bars close in 2 hours, lets go
I knew I was high when I wanted to write a poem about how great it felt to wash my face
don't think this is any sort of attachment thing but if I'm going to throw up regularly at your house, I'm going to keep a tooth brush there
Just remembered i had an ordained minister bless my booze last night.
Hungover like ... in bed with the Brita pitcher and a straw, only opening one eye at a time.
Just don't let me fall on anything that can be broken. Unless its a dick
Slap a cop in the butt for a felony charge. Check.
Is it a bad sign starting the new year off naked, wet, and alone?
Asking for a friend of course
It's okay to masturbate while watching the Comey testimony right?
Well. I think my red tank top is jinxed. this is now the second time it's gotten jizz on it.
Coffee's working. Just killed a fly with my bare hands.\nFuck with me.
The bad thing is that I bled through my bandages last night and keep finding blood around the house. It's almost like a scavenger hunt for solber me. I get to find out where drunk me went.
We are balling out on levels, I think mikes about to go to jail. something to do with a unicorn and rainbows, the cops are not being reasonable.
Randomize
