i just spent an hour trying to convince my blind date that star wars is better than star trek. help me
He sent me a video of himself jacking off. I am not kidding.
WTF??? Isn't he married??
Yeah but his wife is at a birthday party and I guess he's bored. LOL
I really super glued a paper bow tie to my body last night. I need to do less drugs.
Hah, I lost the lenses in my glasses, didn't event notice til this morning... How was the meeting?
I'm doing somethin that's never been done before...the 10 am booty call come over
Listen to me plotting my whoredom.
he asked me to lick his asshole and I told him his girlfriend could do that for him
Eric and I just went in the hallway to practice our new handshake in a real life situation at live speeds. That high.
The only thing I remember last night was feeding my dog 4 McDoubles.
It's midsummers eve. A.k.a. come over so we can get drunk and wear leaf crowns
! asked the random counter guy from 7/11 for Percocet. he immediately called his hookup
you asked the cab driver if he wanted to meet your parents, last night.
I don't need this shit right now. I just woke up covered in pistachios
Feels weird riding an elevator with my tongue in my own mouth.
How... how did you get Adam Lambert's shoes? Does he know you have them? DID YOU STEAL ADAM LAMBERT'S SHOES?! Oh my God I am so turned on right now.
Randomize
