Apparently they shut down a cook out cause people were selling drugsout the drive thru. Nice to be home
You think if I promise to behave for the rest of my life, god will let me fuck her on the regular?
Hallmark should totally make "congratulations on getting your period" cards...I feel they would be quite popular.
Sorry you had to hear me puke. I didn't know I called you. Was it graceful?
it got awkward when she realized that our nickname for her was "The Hambeast"
someone needs to get her out of the garbage can shes never gonna forgive us for this
So if you ever need to know a guy who knows a guy who knows a guy that can put a 24oz beer can up his ass... Hit me up...
Slept with my first Irish dude before I even got off the plane. Dublin has no idea what I have in store for it.
may or may not have figured out a way to make my mom a drug mule to bring me ecstasy...
Do you think if I tell the hot Santa at work that I want a sugar daddy for Christmas that he'll get the hint?
The moment I said this burrito on my nuts feels really good is the moment I knew I was drunk
You danced?!
I just jiggle to the beat like a sexy lava lamp
Is eating a dinner of fishsticks and gin mean you're failing at adulthood? I'm asking for a friend.
Woke up naked with a post-it that said "don't ask questions" on my ass...i know im not supposed to ask but uhm what did I do?
Girl i am always here for you. But i am going to have sex now so im going to call you in the morning.
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