I can hear the grilled cheese talking to me. "Let me in there!" they wanna get inside me
So..he puked on my dress and I had to walk back to the dorms in his little sisters Scooby Doo pajamas.
I don't know you.
I think my hot accountant is wearing banana republic. I miss the days when that ='ed gay. Signals are so confusing now.
He made me cum so much, I almost let him spend the night. The operative word being "almost".
it was like a zeppelin in a condom
It was worse than when we pepper-sprayed my dick. I feel mislead.
We started telling people we were married, and then we hooked up on a park bench
I found your bra. How you get it off the satellite dish is your problem.
I'm not leaving my family to go to a strip club on good friday.
Honesty, no. I just want to shower you with hot dogs.
Everyone was soo nice and genuine.. Then again it coulda just been the drugs.
Hydrocodon makes you feel like a fairy made out of pudding
I'll be wearing lingerie and holding a bottle of bourbon so pick up whatever food you think goes with that
I TAUGHT HER CAT TO SIT. CATS DON'T FUCKING SIT ON COMMAND. BUT THIS ONE DID!
It's basically my crowning achievement.
He was eating me out on a samsung washing machine and as soon as I came, I heard the "end of cycle" song. That tune will now always remind me of the screaming, multiple orgasms I recieved tonight!
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