New channing tatum movie.
I'll bring my vibrator.
She was about to go down when you guys iced me. Thanks bro
i was so worried that when his hands were down my pants he was going to find the weed i stole from him
Drunk you is everything I aspire to be in life.
well i just got discharged from the hospital after getting pegged in the head by a t-shirt gun so thats how my night was.
just watched a cripple ollie in his wheelchair to get on to the elevated floor in the bar. I. LOVE. WISCONSIN
Put it this way, at one point I was getting stoned on the roof of the strip club with one of the strippers while another one gave me a free lap dance. That wasn't even the best part of the night.
He asked me not to hook up with anyone else because it would hurt his feelings.. while his arm was around his pregnant girlfriend.
Just woke up. Naked. Under an animal pelt. With a girl. I've never met her. She's pretty naked too.
I just thought you should know.... I am fully committed to being a ho this summer
Dude, I'm thinking today is Single as Fuck Friday because that's how I'm feeling
That was right around the time that the drunken mess pulled out his dick in front of myself and like 10 other people and started peeing all over the train platform while saying, "Sometimes a bear gets you brother. Sometimes a bear gets you."
Pretty standard Thursday night commute for you, no?
Banged a guy with 2 broken arms once. Top that
He calculated like a serious conversion in his head the other day and got a crazy number and I was like damn that’s hot please proceed to take your clothes off.
Found my paycheck. It was in the freezer
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