Ok. Also I almost just threw up. Seriously. I was think to myself "really? Here? Now? At my work desk?" and then it went away.
There is something about weddings and lines being done off my ass
Just walked in on the Yellow Ranger getting porked by a guy in a UD Blue Hen costume. Will somebody PLEASE think of the children.
Next year we will be 30 and no more shots during the week.
Three guys came up to me at the bar and started dancing on me, while screaming "Johnson's girl." That's the last time I sleep with a freshmen.
Well, for starters, she called the condom a "dick mask."
Didn't know hookah bars could end badly. I feel for her hair
After you tried speaking to him in whale you asked if you could see his "blow hole." That's how bad it was.
I just find it funny that nobody ever threatens to call the cops on us until we have a Harry Potter party
Im calling you paparazzi cause of all the dick pics you take of your one night stands ps loved the panoramic one!
I am thankful for thumbs.
Because without thumbs, we would be dolphins.
Land dolphins.
I just masturbated in the tanning bed stoned. Best decision of my life
ITS THE FIRST FRIDAY NIGJT AFTER MOVING IN WITH THE NEW ROOMIE AND I ACTUALLY JIST RIPPED MY TAMPON OUT AND THREW IT IN THE NEIGHBORS YARD WERE GOINF ON THE BOAT AND SLEPEING IN HIS AMBULANCE GOODNIGHT
I just don't understand why we can't have sex in the house. I'll come see you but I'll have to think about the barn thing.
Oh my god my purse is too heavy for me to dance with boys cause it has too many stolen sink faucets in it
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