i thought i deleted your number from my phone...Wtf
I realize now. I should have just made out with everyone and anyone when I had the chance.
That adds atleast one bjs worth of awkward sexual tension between us.
If Andre Agassi did Crystal Meth, what was John McEnroe doing?
I wish i could call my weed and hear it ring. That's how i found my phone.
she just took adderol and chased it w dog water
Stripper told me "sorry i'm not squezing my tits in your face much, I just had a kid and don't want to squirt you in the eye with milk. " in the middle of my lap dance
Dude made his own urinal by punching a hole in the wall and pissing in it rather than waiting in line. That is the stuff of legends.
Asking the homeless man what buss shelter is the warmest was not a good idea
I woke up to realize my keys were on the front porch. Also so was I. So close yet so far
He stared me down while singing "Let Me Love You" to me while we were having sex. I don't know whether to marry him or file a restraining order.
I'm going to try and loofah my hangover away.
Update: It didn't work
After you puked in the bathtub you claimed you were never eating quesadillas again and you never even ate a quesadilla
I don't need to marry the guy. I just need some filthy, shameful wish fulfillment sex and then live out the rest of my life on the bean farm.
His birthday is on cinco de mayo and he doesn’t drink or like tacos. What a waste.
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