I don't understand how he can't hear himself snoring, but he'll wake up to me sneaking m&m's from my junk food stash beside the bed...
friends don't let friends hook up with gingers.
Something about getting head on stairs. I don't know.
Some guy just stopped me in the bar and asked if I had a shot named after me at another bar called God damn my VaJana hurts? He already knew my name was Jana so I couldn't deny it!
at one point he couldn't find his underwear so he put on my catsuit to go to the bathroom
I feel like I can hear facebook. What did we smoke?
Okay. I am working on pulling a tooth out of my mouth. Call me.
I do remember telling her that I was about to pass out soon and then hiding my pants under my bed so she couldn't take my wallet even drunk I'm thinking ahead
I'm drunk eating a quesadilla while this kid is tryina come over and I'm just like no. I want the quesadilla.
Just remember, the Browns have more wins than Ronda Rousey this year.
We talked about breaking up, had sex, and in the middle of said sex, talked more about breaking up- best sad day ever
Wake up. Smoke. Masturbate while eggos cook. Go back to bed. Smoke. Body spray shower. Beer with breakfast. Class. Morning of a champion.
My vibrator broke.
Dude it's been less than twelve hours. Did you sleep?
Don't worry about that. I need a new vibrator.
I just recommended that the library purchase the first major hentai with tentacle porn. Really, I'm doing everyone a favor.
She was a cheerleader in college and President of her sorority and now she’s a sales rep for a pharmaceutical corporation. “High maintenance hot” doesn’t even begin to explain it
But dear lord is it worth it
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