All drunkenness aside, confirm u are alive
I blew a .224 after sleeping for 6 hrs, cleary im a champion
I just saw Ann slam dunk her puke bag into a trash can on Avenue A. You ladies might want to consider putting the Patron shots down and going home.
two of my INSANE ex girlfriends just texted me saying their coming over because im home alone. needless to say, im deleting my twitter.
the cops didnt even say happy birthday to me :(
I forgot it was 4/20. that COMPLETELY explains the 7/11. i was like "that's a lot of white dudes... and they're really into snacking."
Being the only sober one.. I had to feed you guys doritos. You kept licking my fingers.
this mall makes me feel like I just rolled a 9 in jumanji and got the stampede card
4 girls from the bar, me, strip basketball. here. NOW
I asked him how his night was and he sent me a picture of a bottle of Ciroc with a bendy straw...
We were Chugging coronas for the soul purpose of launching limes out of the 3rd story window, I'd say it was a good weekend
And we're now at 8 people from the office coming to my desk to ask me "do you feel better?".
How did you not realize the handbrakes were stuck?
I thought I was just out of shape.
Oddly enough I feel totally fine now. Clonazapam and red bull the breakfast of champions.
You're a disaster
Wanna date?
Randomize
