If he eats mayonnaise, he's not getting laid. End of story.
At one point during the moaning he reminded me of Forrest Gump
We're playing Big Buck Hunter to determine who buys the next pitchers. And they said video games wouldn't help me later in life
Ever since I discovered that youporn works on blackberry, my brickbreaker skills have gone to shit
I woke up on the steps beside a plate of spaghetti and a toilet paper roll ripped in half. And i actually think this day is gonna get better.
dude skip the party. it is a fucking post office here
what the hell does that mean?
nothing good but a whole lotta male and packages
The only dream I remember having is one where my dad's sperm turned into baby hippos. Like, tiny baby hippos, pocket-sized. I am so fucked up.
You were directing traffic around her for 30min after she passed out in the middle of the road.
You really are best friends.
I feel like my lungs want to punch me in the vagina.
is that even a sentence?
It's like god touched my soul and said 'you will be great in bed'
Hell hath no fury like a woman whose gay sidekick you insult
Our DD has become famous. Strippers are asking to be handcuffed to him.
She's chasing her own tail and is afraid of her own feet. My stoner cat, ladies and gentlemen.
Today one of my patients offered me pot brownies. Medical school worth it. Living the dream.
Just checked out of walmart with a 30 pack of Budlight and a wiffle bat. Hello, Monday night.
Randomize
