So I have to go swallow an entire zebra. Ur on ur own girl.
What's the politest way to tell someone that you're only interested in them when they're naked, and even then it's just like a passing "meh?"
we're microwaving frozen margaritas its not the same without u
we just watched the ball drop on the spanish channel. best mistake of my life.
we were holding hands throwing up into the same garbage can; if thats not true love i dont know what is .
She kept saying I was her favorite Jonas brother, and for some reason, I was ok with that.
Some creeps at the festival started talking to me, so I told them I was going change my tampon. Worked like a charm.
I dont care how high you are, meat and sprinkles dont mix dude
I tried doing a handstand in the middle of the bar and I ended up kicking this old guy in the face and broke his glasses. Thats how I got kicked out
the bouncer watched the girl drop her ID, saw me pick it up and say OMG SHE LOOKS LIKE ME, and then let me use it to get into the bar
I'm almost too old to be on The Real World but feel like I'm too young to be on The Bachelor and I'm just really confused with my place in life.
He was stoned and starts screaming, "I ain't got but a dollar, I wanna hear waterfalls!". Maybe he can hang with us....
Is it too forward if I ask him to bring a condom when he comes over to work on our project?
my dad just liked my status about my bowl being stolen even he feels my pain
If everyone felt the happiness from apple crown royal we would be in a better place
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