Worst sexual experience IN MY LIFE. And now i know why it makes jesus cry.
Come home. Im drunk and cutting my own hair. This is bad, i need you.
He's getting better. i'm using GuitarHero to teach him how to finger me. My clit = the red tab.
It's American, baby! There ain't nothin gross about America.
update: last drink of the night and im naked in my porch hammock. life is good.
I was informed last night that im not allowed to pick up the bouncers and carry them around anymore. Last sat is starting to make more sense
Dear room mates I tried to shotgun pam in the kitchen. It is slippery. Please be careful. That is all. Love you.
We didn't have a blender so we made the margaritas by running over a garbagebag full of ice with the car and then stirring it with a knife in a French-press coffee pot. CAN YOU SAY RESOURCEFUL?
I don't think I have but I might've died. If I have then come get me, I'm in the flower bed. And still game.
I have fiberglass splinters all over my hands and woke up with a sign that says PUMPKINS in my room.
I drink more single than I do in relationships. Except with assface.
Will you trust fall hold me, so I can pee of this building.
I'm pretty sure your ex of four years just had a baby with some kid and named it after you...
my nose is crying tears of wow.
Last night was fun. Sorry I slipped out before you woke up
Also, your parents get up REALLY early. Please thank them for the bagel and travel mug of coffee. Happy Thanksgiving!
Randomize
