i got your date sluuuuuuut pick up my calls or else hes mine
question: from what angle do you give a hand job. im confused..
He shouted my World of Warcraft name while we were having sex, and he was sober.
Hey. I found $5 in quarters from one of those state quarter collection books. I'm using it for food tomorrow.
If we were to wake in ur bed together, what are the 3 words you would say to me?
Get out now.
Did you really just use your nipple as a unit of measurement?
Depending on hangover severity. The fact that I can spell severity is in your favor.
She made a roadhead CD. Can I marry her?
He equated my biology degree to a belief in Santa. I wonder if he heard the doors to my vagina clanging shut.
Tiny.
I mean tony. It's like autocorrect knows he wasn't well endowed.
There's just no proper way to thank a man for that many consecutive orgasims.
Our sub is singing "i believe i can fly" after yelling at the class this whole time and this is really hella weird
He ripped my sink off my bathroom wall and then threw up in it.
yeah the cops just showed up and they got there ass handed to them at beer pong.
It’s 830 am and the amount of Valentine’s Day snaps I’ve already seen makes me either want to vom, drink a bottle of wine, or buy chocolate
1000% No lie I was just looking on insta and was thinking about taking a bottle of wine to the face..
Randomize
