Goodnight sugar queer
Sugar queer??
Why does my predictive text prioritize 'queer' over 'puffs'?
I forgot i ate a salad for dinner, so while i was barfing in his toilet, i kept screaming "i ate leaves?? i cant believe you let me eat leaves!"
you started puking right when a nickelback song came on..it was epic
Fuck the gym. I just shaved m'cooch and my pants now fit looser.... Dont judge me.
Im only slightly posetive that left over guacamole and wine are unacceptable for breakfast at 6.30 am
also since I use google voice my ads in gmail switched to DUI services after this conversation
The only thing worse than being arrested is the fact the cop confiscated my green dinosaur costume.
I have officially tracked lube all over our house on the bottom of my socks without knowing it. Don't slip when you come in
Stoned, and eating Doritos, and reading about lesbians for class. This is the life.
He ran into the surf holding up a cigarette yelling "let the Olympic games begin!" So no, no vodka left.
We had sex and then I offered him a cookie...while he was still inside of me. Basically he's in love
He was awesome with her today. I can't say that it didn't make my Fallopian tubes sing "The Hills Are Alive."
Hey, I'm just seeing how you're doing and letting you know I fucked your dad last night. Don't fuck with me.
If you find me in the bathroom in a fetal position, licking frozen bacon .. I might have Drank a little too much.
Well, he kept asking me if I was going to murder him once we got upstairs. It sort of killed the mood.
Randomize
