Even if you were sober, spitters are STILL quitters, end of story.
So i've def seen the girl running for student body VP getting fingered in a bar.
Um, yeah. You lit my birthday candles with a joint. Mom= not happy.
the plan is to continue having sex with all three of them until my birthday, and then once they've given me their presents, they can find out about each other.
Drunk roommate walked in on us and asked if we wanted to go eat a sandwich with her in the bathroom.
For future reference, the words 'big' and 'problem' should be used sparingly with a person whom you have recently had copious amounts of unprotected sex
I need to get skinnier so that I know when pregnancy scares are real...
Note to self: You can't deep fry cheese-its.
Has my life seriously led me to day drinking on a Monday the third week of the semester?
It's after 5, it's not day drinking.
Just figured out my hair is long enough to tie my wrists together. . .get over here NOW!
my goal for the rest of college is to escape STD free. fuck getting a job. this is more important.
THEN YOU WILL NOT GET TO SEE MY TITS TONIGHT OR IN THE NEAR FUTURE YOU HEARTLESS BASTARD
I accepted my type is not "conventionally attractive" when she asked me "Him? Are you sure?" 5 times in front of him last night
Mom saw my dick pic over my gf's shoulder. She told her she really should've had me circumcised.
We're sitting on the kitchen floor drinking and talking about mounting real light sabers to the dog's head.
Randomize
