you know i think I know why you are single...because you are real cute but then you open your mouth and let words come out and all goes to hell.
Im starting to realize why people dont masturbate while driving
he was like "finding out that arrested development was cancelled" bad
What's the point in getting all dressed up and going when i'm just gonna throw up on myself by midnight?
Balcony sex scratched the shit out of my phone. Whups.
He was eating mac and cheese. Raw. Like as in he was eating the uncooked noodles then pouring the dry cheese in his mouth.
We left an ass print on the piano.
Yeah, I probably scared him away when I drunkenly told him we'd have beautiful children
wine lets you be on time to class apparently
This is a dangerous realization
We're in the kiddy pool eating marshmellows and drinking wine out of a box. Please dress casual.
My life is sponsored by tidy cat kitty litter, Bacardi rum, and plan b.
Did you miss the part about my hangover needing a day to rest?
I saved him in my phone as "Well-Hung Burrito Savior." I love Taco Tuesday.
I don't know what the bubonic plague feels like- but I'm gonna guess its something like this.
so in addition to the two guys I slept with last night, and the third that I turned down this morning, a fourth has appeared. best Valentine's Day ever.
Randomize
