i just google imaged poop.
he said "you're pretty" then i made out with him. thats all it took
you were carrying a trash bag around insisting it was your purse. I'll let you guess how your night went
It's like God knew that was my ex's best friend and punished me. I've never vomited that much in my life.
two words...techno handjob
No its cool I don't even have to do anything he is rapping to one of the strippers. He is punishing himself enough.
Spilled red wine all over my bed. This has to be the fiftieth time ive refused to fall asleep without a drink in my hand
after I lost so many games of beer pong they made me be a troll, I sat under the table and told riddles while retrieving balls.
Blacked out, Had to be carried out of the bar again by two large black bouncers. Asked them to be my "boo thangz" Again.
Going through Bojangles drive thru chanting "KFC" hammered at 8:00 was the highlight.
Enroute to my place eta 6 mikes...estimated time until intoxicated? 45 mikes. Commence the timer.
I just told a guy I'm a cross of Kim K, Hilary Clinton and a dragon... He was still into it.
You're the third Mark I've fucked in that bed.
No instead we fucked in the elevator.. it was wrong on so many levels..
How tall was the building? Maybe it was only wrong on some of them
Whats a little breast milk between friends?
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