4:25 am: I want you here. Ugh.
how hairy? two words: wookie tits
I think I'd remember a dick in my mouth
so I was like, you know platform 9 3/4? I know something else with those measurements. best. pick up line. ever.
he wrote Vegans should suck on cow dick on her wall with permanent marker. thats how he got the black eye
yes, the chronicles of narnia is exactly what happens when you do crack inside of a wardrobe.
I mean its not the first time I passed out drunk at barnes and noble.
Also, I saved your name as Everclear last night. No idea why I did that.
IT ISN'T. I'M A LITTLE HIGH.
YOU'RE ALWAYS A LITTLE HIGH.
NO. IT'S RARE THAT I'M A LITTLE HIGH. I'M ALWAYS HIGH AS FUCK. THERE'S A DIFFERENCE.
I just gave my mom some ones that look like they've probably been in some strippers cooter. Oops.
Haha. Just tell your mom not to smell them
Hey mom, most of this money I'm giving you is in ones. Don't ask why and whatever you do don't smell them.
Sounds legit to me.
im far more worried about your salsa intake than your weed intake
My mom said she saw you at the grocery store. Said you looked like you were "headed for a Lindsay Lohan quarter life crisis of sorts"
just had a woman ask me to donate my eggs so that her baby could look like me. don't know whether to get a restraining order or be flattered. thoughts?
I fucked her on her ex's Yankee sheets while she was wearing an Ortiz jersey...of course she gets to meet my mother
Attention, i sprayed windex on me to disguise the scent of sex and regret off my clothes from last night
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