What about the words "You're my personal dildo" made him say "I love you"?
And then she started grabbing onto random guys legs, asking their names, and if they wanted to be friends... Haha, I love when the girls my ex's are dating are total drunken whores.
No, not at all. Pulling a condom out of your vag at 2pm is NOTHING like finding $10 in your winter coat. Stop trying to make me feel better.
He has a landing strip. I repeat he has shaven himself a landing strip. HELPPPP!
I don't remember its real name, I just call it the Harrison Ford Cush after that idea with the Indiana Jones mask. I should just get high and sell people my ideas for their Halloween costumes all the time. I'd make a fucking fortune.
somehow this turned into a costume party you have to get here now with my banana suit or I'm wearing my birthday suit
cool, get new shit, I dnt want the same old if it's my last drink ever
The world isn't ending you idiot. I'll grab beer
I'm literally in my bed still trying to find the energy to take my corset off so I can binge eat oreos
You have to give it to him that he fucked me out of the dull weekdays.
She'd probably like you more if you'd stop fucking her husband.
sexting just seems like too much work right now.
yeah true but how easily can you rip a scrotum
What doesn't this kid understand that our relationship is not going past the blacked out blowjob I gave him on his birthday?
Fun fact: nipples work on touch screens. Tell your friends :)
The last time I was on vacation the pandemic blew up. Can't wait to see how my vacation fucks up the world this time.
Randomize
