could you grab mr moo while you're at his apt?
you brought your stuffed animal to a booty call?
FYI, if you pee in my bed (or even let R___ and E___ sleep in it), I will fart loudly during your wedding vows. Trust.
so my aunt is sitting on the couch, eating a brownie and watching the biggest loser saying how it's not that hard to eat healthy
man i love america
You kept telling me to "raw dog" your take home breathalyzer without the mouthpiece
There's nothing like puking in the airport on the way TO Vegas. Something tells me i pregamed a little too hard.
I will miss his soup and his dick the most
Bering your kids um. Abiout tol. Throw up
I had to rip your toilet paper for you...
dude, no lie, I would make out with you in front of them wearing nothing but a rainbow colored speedo
They were swingers. Real swingers. Thought it was going to be awesome until some fat guy tried to put my dick in his mouth.
shes wearing an ankle tracker so she should be easy to find
Saw 2 lesbians fist fighting outside the bar tonight. I was startled yet slightly turned on
The more I piece together last night the more I want to vomit it out of my brain.
I'm glad you had fun with your genitals.
just learned i can hear my fish chewing his food WHILE HES IN HIS BOWL. im going to have to call you back.
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