Sometimes I think its so cool that a dick that has been inside kate moss has also been inside me. So exciting.
Dude made his own urinal by punching a hole in the wall and pissing in it rather than waiting in line. That is the stuff of legends.
Yay for living on the edge. I'm trying this new thing where I stop mom-arming people and promote bad decisions. It's working quite well.
I have reverted to folding laundry while watching porn. how much sadder can my life get?
foreskin is a definite game changer
I'm gonna drop in for a zip later man. It made me wanna eat my girls shampoo. Good shit
I know it basically makes me the worst feminist ever, but I don't want to kill my own spiders. And I will pay my personal spider hit man with sammiches and unlimited , uninhibited access to my vagina.
it was like a shit fog rolling out of the east to encompass me and have it's way with me
I'm surprised I don't have a permanent face imprint between my boobs.
Nipple rings and loofahs DO NOT mix.
In the morning when you read your texts, just fyi you showed up at my house drunk off your ass and shoe less and demanded I go to the bar. You need Jesus.
you better come over.. I need a witness to help prove the couch talks to me
Literally been in their house 5 minutes and I've projectile vomited all over the bathroom wall. The dog licked it up though so I think it's cool.
How dare sober me try to tell drunk me I can't eat the applesauce in the fridge! Stingy bitch IM EATING THE APPLESAUCE! you can tell sober me I said that.
You have a full penis tattoo of a cobra fighting a mongoose, don't you?
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