he said 'i want to be the peanut butter to your jelly, just without the crust' and then tried to take me shirt off
No, seriously, 1.5 gallons of sangria plus two days of untapped cock. Waiting here. For you.
His penis was definitely too big to be the type that wants commitment. Shit.
we're almost there. Shes pounding on the car window telling the nurse whos on a smoke break to fuck off.
He thought he was drowning because he was drinking water and intentionally holding his breath. Dear god what did you get me in to.
Oh and now he's calling me Brohammed Ali.
nothing says roomie bonding better than a sunday shroom trip.
Trying to figure out which chair my head was under last night
I think ur a lot drunker then u think u are. That girl has the body of a cartoon character and not in a good way.
There's jello in my purse I have a mysterious glow stick and didn't sleep with anyone my god I'm 3 for 3 tonight
We were having an argument with his friends mom about whether it was worse that he bootycalled me at 4 a.m. or that I bootycalled him at 12 in the afternoon
I want to but I can't have a boner while doing a install and working with a customer
You don't know how small your school is until you know everyone in the ER on a Friday night.
so dehydrated I couldn't fill the pee cup to the right line for my drug test for school. I was like sorry it was my birthday yesterday
WHERE THE FUCK'S MY FUCKING RITALIN YOU FUCKING FASCIST?????
So when he asked me to go on a date tonight, I didn't think the words "have you tried a suppository" would be part of the evening.
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