grandma shit on top of the toilet
thank god he doesn't hang out with everyone else i've had sex with
well, yeah, he can't fit the whole neighborhood in his apartment
I am sleeping on the floor in your room so if you have sex in here just don't roll on me
I woke up at 5 this morning face down on my bed with gummy bears stuffed in my leggings. Yeah.
woke up to the trail of sugar cubes leading to my bed........was i that uncooperative last night
she gave me one of those friendship bracelets and said as long as I wore it it was like an all-access pass to her vagina
just had to sit in the middle of an aisle in stop and shop because we're too hungover and needed to take a break.
If you wake up soonish don't worry. I took your dog to burger king and now we're going to see some nice girls.
He blended the pizza with water and drank the whole thing. He is my hangover hero
is year to celebrate how much I love you, I made a mosaic of your penis with conversation hearts. it's in your mailbox.\n\nHAPPY VALENTINE'S DAY TO YOU
I sent him a pic of my tits and he said "Word." I need a drink.
Nothing says Panama City like condoms washing up on the shore.
I don't think you understand what laundry day means. I am wearing a swimsuit as underwear and my spanish club tshirt from junior high
Not sure. He doesn't know where New York is on a map but he gives an incredible spanking.
Who cares about New York?
What the fuck happened last night.... I woke up with a bowl half full of ravioli next to my head, reversed on my bed still fully clothed.....
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