Good. You are like the clit whisperer.
I like you better when you drink
I like you better when I drink too
This guy legit just tried to LSAT formal logic his way into my pants. Contrapositives and everything.
She just referred to her vagina as "this bitch".
I said "have a good day officer and I'll see you friday when I get arrested for being too drunk.."
i just looked in the mirror i look like i'm about to film a PSA about prostitution
A guy at one of our big accounts just said you probably dont remember meeting me saturday night ps you were right about those two girls being lesbian
There is is 40 year old penis staring me in the face right now if there was ever a time to be a good friend its right now.
You better be making out with him cause we're sitting here with this awkward british girl watching videos of goats singing maroon five
American Eric just peed on us from the second floor. Hes now very confused as to why his "toilet is yelling." Send help.
I snapchatted him 4 pictures of me as Tarzan's dad so if he never talks to me again at least we'll know why
I drunkenly texted ur dad last night telling him he raised great kids hahahahaha
I mostly blame me being such a miserable fuck on the fact that I was born on a Monday.
You grabbed my dick don't call me son
You stocked up?
No actually didn’t get a chance. If you wouldn’t mind bringing me a brownie and a bottle of Jameson that’d be nice
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