All I remember is yelling RUN as fireworks started going off in the kitchen. Who said that was a bad idea?
he told me that my best friend was "one the most attractive people he's ever seen" and wondered why he didn't get a blow job
CONGRATS VODKA, YOU WON RHIS TIME..
They'd unbutton the overalls with their lesbian-tongues. It wouldn't even be a problem.
I guess he was telling a totally normal story about being a lifeguard and I wouldn't stop screaming "THAT'S LUDICROUS" at random intervals.
we've coined the Sunday morning ritual of taking out our puke-filled trash cans as The Trash Of Shame
I love that my idea of a romantic gesture to you is to send you a picture of my vomit saying "wish you were here". You voluntarily dated me. For six years ish.
Just wait til you visit, there will be an endless supply of fresh dick for your demand #economics
Just me, my martini, and my backup Martini.
He's drinking on a hospital bracelet, the fuck's your excuse?
He called me at 4 a.m. and wanted me to drive him to McDonald's then drop him off at home. It wasn't even a booty call, it was a fucking chauffeur call.
You ripped my pants off and gave me the choice use it or lose it what was I suppose to do.
But like it was sooo bad! At one point he tried to flip me over and he fell off the bed
Wtf happened last night
You traded your bra for a shot so I'd say you probably don't wanna know
You can accomplish quite a bit with a can do attitude and a well placed ice cube.
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