Dude I thought this was going to suck, but moving back in with my dad is like being at a frat party every night only everyone is 40 years old.
can you explain how you are here for one night and now my kitchen table is in 11 pieces..
Something strange is happening to me, I think I miss hooking up with girls sober
Should we pre-order food to the ER for cinco de mayo?
you had acid sex with the barista. why is my bucket list your tuesday?
Youre attempt to ruin my night by putting Date Rape by Sublime on my sex playlist failed. She was into it.
Get your ass over here, we're drinking Patron and watching My Little Pony. Patron and Ponies, do you copy?!
I feel like a monkey keeps fucking me in the ear with a trombone as a dick.
I'm permanently fucked. Every liquid I put into my mouth automatically tastes like fireball.
Just told myself the phrase "You're not THAT single" while dressing myself
I put on pants and a bra for you and you never showed up. There is no forgiveness for that.
I got to my internship late... with a bag of chipotle and sex hair.
I just gave them my two week notice. Now is the perfect time to fuck my boss's son
I can't say too many people would say watching their drunk best friends fuck in a hot tub is very normal.
Ya that dick wasn't worth burning a perfectly good pizza.
You live and learn.
Randomize
