between my moustache and how drunk I am it will be a miracle if I get laid tonight.
you kept screaming i cant feel my vagina, it kinda killed the mood.
Wow anytime a scalper has i need tix written on the back of a franzia box thats a trusted seller
NC is no longer selling 190 proof Everclear. We are officially no longer the greatest state.
You have no idea how much I'm praying for my moms side of the family's infertility right now
Saw the college gyno today. It has now been medically confirmed that I have a perfect vagina.
Some advice...don't play drunk rock em sock em robots. With actual people. I have bruises EVERYWHERE.
nah we got kicked outta the bar after the bouncer saw us putting straws up Chelsea's nose to make her look like a walrus after she fell asleep at the table
We've reached the point in our fuck buddy relationship where we are playing words with friends. This is too intimate.
Just had Jager bombs for breakfast with her roommate... I do not regret this newfound lesbianism.
I told you all we needed steroids to survive the tour de franzia, like the bikers. But nobody listened...
I broke a glass at the bar and ended up with blood on my forehead. I apparently kept screaming BLOOD like the little boy in that YouTube video.
My Sexting was not on an AP level
Come over.
Look lady I can't have sex with you EVERY day. I have things to do.
I have to close one eye, because I don't wanna see two movies, I only want to see one.
Randomize
