i may or may not have a boner. what are your thoughts
I can hear my liver begging me not to go out tonight
Fuuuuck. Forgot it's October. FYI scarecrows are gonna fuck you up when you're driving high
I KNOW. I'm like, ew who are these ppl. And then I remember I'm traveling to New York to accidentally hook it with two different dudes in one weekend.
You'd be surprised at how many crooked penises are out there
I walked into the bathroom of the hotel and she's in the bath tub with a guy she met a day ago. They were sharing a shrimp cocktail platter and shot gunning bud lights. Oh and it was noon.
Please hurry up and come back. This is so awkward. He's showing me banana videos.
Woke up to the UT campus police fishing my boxers out of the university pool, guess it was a good night.
He threw me over his shoulder and carried me outside, all the while drinking from the bottle of rum he was holding, while my ex watched. I'm winning the break-up.
You ask too many questions when I'm blowing you. You're like a dentist asking how my day has been during a cleaning.
It's just unfortunate that I still have the image of him having sex with me fresh in my mind
Yeah we've been texting but I don't know how to just randomly throw in sooo the real reason this is happening is because i hear you're a drug dealer
Lmao a dude who just got out of prison said im worth 10 cigarettes in prison...I think that's a compliment
Just slather his penis with BBQ sauce
there is another microwave in the elevator.
Randomize
