birth control should be required to get into college
Just bought a pack of cigs...gas station guy informed me i took off my underwear and tried to pop a squat by the milk last night...
I'm going to skip that pointless convo with Mark, stick with the "we're talking" status, and bone barely legal, borderline gay, preppy guys on the DL.
I just scratched behind my ear and found icing. Fuck you.
2 rounds of irish car bombs have already been taken to your 5 year sober anniversary
This coming from the girl who broke up with a guy because she found out he played the tuba in middle school.
he's hot he just has too much baggage, and has really fucking skinny ankles which freaks me out
you aren't having sex with his ankles, As long as knee caps and above are good, i'd go for it
Seriously, I am going to crawl in a hole, sew my vagina shut, and spit acid on any man that comes near me.
What made this night legendary was getting pulled over for looking suspicious while wearing an iron man mask
blowjobs from left handed girls are noticably better than from righties. these are the most important things I've learned this semester
I knew you were super hungover. But so hungover you fire our house cleaner because her vacuums too loud is excessive
DO NOT SLAP ANYONE WITH ANY VEGAN MEAT PATTIES
That's true because who the fuck doesn't love Harry Potter and beer
Have you ever forgotten how to pee? I did last night. Standing in front of the urinal with dick in hand. WTF were we drinking???
If I told the doordash driver it's national nudity day, think he'd still report me for being topless at the door?
Randomize
