it turns out vodka filled condoms arent that funny
I caved and texted him. But it's strictly drug dealing business so it doesn't count.
You took shots of captn out of a empty percocet bottle, i just saw you fall threw the floor of rock bottom.
I have 11 glasses of water and one beer on the table infront of me. Have to keep going to different bartends to get more. There are only two though and I think they've caught on
eggs and jello shots do not qualify as 'brunch'
marshmallow pipe was a success. so was melon pipe. come try it
Just when I thought he had turned a new leaf, I see a "Let me get you pregnant" shirt in his closet
Saw the same Luigi I hooked up with last Halloween. Still in his same Luigi costume and scruff that hurt my face
I watched Morgan Freeman explain the existence of nothing, now I'm afraid of sub - atomic particles. these egg rolls are outstanding
Dude we gotta go back to your cabin. left glenn. he's calling me crying and still drunk
I think he just tried to put your boyfriend in a trashcan....
i just teared up watching channing tatum in drag emerge from the fog on lip sync battle. it's gotta be PMS. either that or something is realllllly wrong with me.
We had a quickie at work in the office. He walked out before me, and I fell asleep while waiting a few minutes to walk out. Yeah. He's got that change your life dick
Legit sprained my cooter. No joke. Icing her down as we speak.
he said he couldn't believe he just lost his virginity and passed out. what have i done
Randomize
