I wanna wear you like a flannel shirt
I don't usually arrange sex via text message
No idea how i never noticed that penis before. I wonder if it works
Wtf. Who made this Big Mac, Helen Keller?
How are you going to pay for strippers in Vegas when you were just begging for McDoubles?
I need a good reason NOT to eat this entire jar of nutella right now
Don't let me forget to bring the toilet inside tonight.
Have you ever noticed that the cities in car commercials look really futuristic?
...did you eat that brownie?
It was more like a tour de entire bottle of wine in 14 minutes
She just made out with a golden retriever. I'm disgusted and turned on all at once
I just realized how terrible that was... I was drumming on your penis to a song about Baby Jesus.
That cat I follow on Facebook beat cancer so we're drinking tonight in celebration
So I wore my ankle step-counter exercise thingy while I rode him. Don't fuck him- I only burned .2 pounds.
He tried to do a JoJo pose and wound up breaking his wrist in the process. Truly a story for the ages.
Whats spookier? Halloween or waking up to a drunk text from your ex telling you how awesome you are at 2am
Randomize
