i just saw a guy carrying a medieval times commemerative glass filled with vomit.. there were 2 people cheering him from behind
Exactly how many bongs can i have before my parents figure out they really aren't vases
she literally pooped in the closet. i sent the picture to everyone i know.
Like if Robert Downey Jr. and Kiefer Sutherland got together for a bender, that's how drunk I want us to be.
just passed out again, this time at a subway. On a positive not they gave me a free sandwich, pretty sure out pity but at this point i don't care
It was the worst sex ever. All she did was tap on my balls with her hands like she was in a reggae band.
THERE IS PRACTICALLY A BEER FUCKING WATERFALL
I feel like I've been drunk all of June. And I am in NO WAY ashamed about it.
I misunderstood what a furry was. Come pick me up.
i don't know what part of 'duct tape bikini waxes' seemed even a little okay in our drunk minds, but i'm never drinking with your sister again
I hope your fat roommate breaks the bunkbed and crushes you in your sleep
You put your finger on my lips and told me 'the butt is nature's pocket'.
I don't remember that at all, but I stand by what I said
He was my first. He knew. He knew right there I was wrapped around his penis.
I used the phrase "love child of quasimodo and cyclops " in a sentence today.
I think I'm so comfortable in my sexual relationship because he mostly wants to see me naked with large plates of bacon tastefully placed upon my body
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