Jake died.
WTF????????? That's how you tell me????
Oops typo. Jake cried.
Got drunk. Then they sung "we didnt start the fire" to my other cousin who accidentally burnt down the house when she was younger.
all but 2 of were put on probation for disorderly conduct. i know, visiting a hospital when your drunk is really stupid but it seemed like such a good idea at the time
swear to god, "it seemed like a good idea at the time" is gonna be on your epitaph
I don't remember her missing an ear while we were at the bar
In the memo line of the check she wrote sexual healing.
I am currently exfoliating my skin with the toilet. We've never been so close.
obviously my window is still shattered. they're pressure washing my condo today. i think i need a bloody mary.
Lol. No. We cannot eat chicken while we have sex. No.
He insists on falling asleep with his penis between my buttcheeks. He says its his "home".
The best revenge is living well. Or pooping in his sunroof. Either or
Please come home, i don't want to feel like basket garbage girl but I'm in your alleyway and not sure how to change that.
Last night was just a whirlwind of Mario Brothers and sex.
Yeah we've been texting but I don't know how to just randomly throw in sooo the real reason this is happening is because i hear you're a drug dealer
I look excited, but its just a facade.
I honestly have no desire to wear clothes around you
I have that affect on people
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