There was so much of it... it was like he poured a bowl of pudding on my face. It's not bad for your hair is it?
I microwaved pizza rolls, a hot dog, and bacon in the same plate with no paper towels. I drank the grease at the end. I'm going to vomit everywhere.
That's why she's the girl with her life together and you're the girl with the penis drawn on your car.
I definitely recall eating shredded cheese out of the bag while you were wearing that apron.
He got drunk and insisted on licking my eyeball and called it a test of my trust in him.
You went around chanting "dinosaur period" and drinking tomato soup from the can.
Sorry I never got back to you, I ended up at a party with pot ice cream, pot apple cider, and hash vegetable oil.
He was all like, "I've prayed every single day just for one more night with you."
Omg just give him a quick handy and walk out.
Its bad when you wake up with a penis drawn on your face. Its worse when you find out its traced..
Apparently I told a girl last night, that's she's super beautiful and I don't want to fuck she just deserves being eaten out
They shouted last call and the guy next to me and I looked each other up and down and went in unison "yup, you'll do"
I awoke this morning alone and naked in my bed I forecast my date later not going so well because I have three giant hickies on my neck there is a note next to my bed that looks a 3rd grader wrote it on my college acceptance letter
Great. I broke up with him before he could like my selfie, now I'm down a like.
Dick very happy bro
IT'S A GIANT FUCKING ROBOT, DUDE. LOGIC IS OUT OF THE QUESTION BECAUSE AWESOME.
Randomize
