I gave her the chance to be interesting and she failed. So then I gave her a chance to be slutty and she failed at that too.
life lesson learned today: sleeping pills and laxatives don't mix.
Woke up this morning with one boob drawn on to look like the globe. Questionable?
I know now the amount of smoke it takes to set off the fire alarm....no longer worried about using the bong...not even close
Grad practice is like a live scrapbook of my drunken sexual encounters
Get this. Chipped my front tooth taking a sip of a gay mans beer out of my cleavage. Fuck my fucking life. that'll be fun to explain to my dentist
Why do you think it's a no-pants party?
Invite says "dress to impress". Her fault for leaving it open to interpretation.
Why did the fire extinguisher taste lemony?
There are two things I love in this world. Dick and cats. Why can't I just have dick and cats forever
I'm beginning to think the entirety of my appeal is due to the size of my ass.
I know it was a good night because I got a lecture from my roommates mom about stranger danger
I just told a guy I'm a cross of Kim K, Hilary Clinton and a dragon... He was still into it.
Thanks for duct tapping my dick to my leg while I was passed out. I could only aim straight down. I stood on your bed. Have a nice day at work!
Basically, I am an endless fountain of unconvential sexual experiences and knowledge.
Saddle up bitches, we're going to an orgy.
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