Just found out that I was singing john legend songs as I threw up last night. Quality.
I'm actually pretty neutral about a lot of things. I'm like Switzerland with a penis.
girl in the front row yawned. double jointed jaw. i know where i'll be sitting next class
i officially have more pictures of his dick than pictures of us together
i think you walked me home, then i felt bad for putting you through the trouble so i walked you home...i'm not sure how i got home after that.
The vagina on Hilton Head is mighty fine this time of year.
As usual, I had to fight him for his car keys. Though this time he made it to the valet garage. All the Hispanic attendants gathered around and watched. Felt like I was in a cock fight.
We told you to go get more fire wood and you came running back with a log that was on fire, not drunk at all.
Just retrieve me from the bathroom floor when you're done
It's fine. I wouldn't trust either of them to be my workplace drug buddy.
I love how you sexted me before you told me happy birthday. Thank you.
I'm literally taking a shit naked holding a bottle of wine.
Scary. I hope people take me seriously. Maybe I should black out less to be sure
you scattered cereal all over the floor so you could "re-trace your steps and figure out what happened." 20 min later you yelled about the mess and let the dog in to clean it up. 5 min after that you screamed since the cereal was gone. you suspected me and locked me in the bathroom so i could "think about what i'd done"
and you bit everyone who tried to let me out. no more tequila for you. EVER.
Any luck with the purse?
No, though I did find her weed. Also her sons name is King. I'm uncertain how I feel about that
Randomize
