im going to pretend im pregnant so i can eat a lot then i will accidentally fall down the stairs
she's doing push ups on the keg. hows a girl supposed to compete with that?
New thing to add to the list of never wanted to talk about with my grandma: sweating in ur crouch and vag area
i have a food baby... i think its a boy...
I will always remember that night by waking up in that tablecloth the next morning
I'm currently braless eating the balls of the penis cake and drinking warm champagne. I'm 3 cats away from crazy at this point
If you've never yelled, "fuck you ray Lewis" in front of your 87 year old grandfather you haven't lived
I thought adderall would sober me up, but it did NOT.
If he would've shaved his beard when we first broke up, getting over him would've been so much simpler. That asshole.
I wrote an entire paper in under an hour about The Nightmare Before Christmas. I was also high as shit and pretty sure I dedicated half the page to the animation but still.
Good news. His dicks gotten wayy bigger since high school. I love Thanksgiving break.
He started talking about getting a puppy together. So of course I went down on him later
I usually do that but weve been going unprotected with tribal fertility symbols painted above my door
I'm basically doing the Walk of Shame without the added bonus of having sex last night. That doesn't look good on anyone.
Guuuuurrrrrl! He ate the 🌮like it contained the Covid-19 vaccine!
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