Solid performance last night. Wanna be fuck buddies?
so he expects you to be his vegas whore for the season. nice.
I feel like I just won at life, no connection sex and free 12 pack of beer after. Does life give out trophies, if so I want a big one.
He just posted pic of sad weiner and half a butt cheek. That is it. I HATE online dating.
Omg. Get me out of here. Someone is playing michelle branch.
So he said if we had sex he'd take me to Build A Bear. My virginity is so worth a trip to build a bear.
You're 20.
IT'S BUILD A BEAR!
She made a list of the things each of us had done wrong and assigned a point system. Guess who came out the loser?
I started drinking at 10.30am. Ive got a solid buzz, ive decided holidays are to be treated like gamedays
He gets a blow job; I get my oil changed free of charge. And that way I only see him every 2500 miles.
Congratulations, you are no longer the only person who has watched me drunkenly pee on their furniture.
Fire alarms went off at reception of gay wedding im at. We all had to evacuate until FD got here. Then...ill just text the photos.
So when's a good time this week to show up at your apartment in nothing but a trench coat and a bow? Y'know. Hypothetically.
I was so drunk last night dude. I woke up this morning to my oven being wide open and my pants on the kitchen floor.
Bring me your tired, your weary, your buffalo chicken dip
He has a wall filled with panties from past hook ups. So no, I didn't fuck him.
Randomize
