Note to Self: No matter how horny, turned on or in the moment you are, never go down on your gf after she had soccer practice.
i didnt know what to say other then wrong hole.....after that the moment was ruined.
She wanted to test if her costume allows her to still have sex in it. It does
we were in your room and your mom was singing twinkle twinkle little star in the hallway. so you decided to scream "twinkle? TWINKLE! What Fucking little star?!"
How did your new apartment party go last night?
I'm really happy i have a bigger bathroom to puke in.
I would feel bad sleeping with her unless all of her personalities were on board with it.
You mAke me stone. Stone fuck fucking stoned. I'm an stoned you cuz now fucking stoned stoned fucking stoned I stone.
Are we talking about who knows if I'll get naked pictures of you with a broadsword or who knows if I'll be surprised?
Smoked before work and just remembered i left pringles in my desk last time i was high. SCORE
So apparently we wrote "Lube Shopping" in Paula's diary on every friday for the rest on the year....
How is it that I, the only one that didn't drink last night, was the only one puking out the car window?
Never thought having a box of Cheerios could get me laid. My new lucky charm hello girl in 2B
I had the hottest doctor assess me at the hospital. He smelled like heaven and sex.
I should be rewarded with oreos for not turning into a raging cunt.
cinco de mayo stole my toenail
cinco de mayo stole my virginity.
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