A little girl and i are having a face making battle in mcdonalds
She started it, but I totally finished it.
I just changed her number in my phone to "You Wouldn't If You were Sober"
I love girls that fake tan. Can you say p p p p p p p p pumpkin face
I don't know how it happened, one minute we were talking about Huck Finn, the next minute I was blowing him behind the corner of his apartment building.
i'm calling it girls night to make myself feel better but lets be real.....i wasn't going to get any guys tonight regardless
How does "I'm not drinking tonight" turn into body shots?
YOU'RE HIGH AND AT THE GYM OF COURSE YOU FEEL WEIRD
My thighs feel like glass
The packers need to win more often, Andrew keeps drunk calling me and confessing his undying love for me in between puking and taking more shots.
He told her Jesus wouldnt yell curse or degrade her. He'd just simply shake his head and slap the shit out of her
only i would grind with someone to harp music at a gay wedding
I guess she fell asleep at the strip club and the other one was crying because she had a vagina in her face. Happy 21st!
You know you had a good night when you wake up cuddling a baseball bat and a can of chicken noodle soup.
She gave me a job then fed me cheesecake in bed. She's a keeper!
He was imitating a sprinkler when he started puking. Hence- vomit sprinkler. Some people just can't handle their tequila
apparently ive been in a long term relationship for the past 1 1/2 years w/ out knowing
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