and my herpes radar will keep us safe
it's kinda bad that we're already planning travel arrangements to his funeral
So his "youporn" cam totally caught me stealing quesadilla leftovers.
Apparently it's ok to apply for building permits drunk. I feel like there definitely is a law preventing that.
So I've decided to grow a vagina forest. Because I'm single and it's like a zen garden. Brings a new meaning to long hair don't care.
Two hot shots of tequila for breakfast? Yeah today is gonna be a shit show
I am stoned and listening to the Olympics music I downloaded on Saturday. Best 6 dollars I have ever spent.
So this whole chlamydia situation totally puts a damper on my back to school sex schedule, there's just no way of knowing who of them was the perpetrator... Time for new candidates
i swear, you were born with a blunt in one hand and somebody else's wallet in the other.
Last night I woke up and the national rep of his frat was sucking my toe.
You also spilled beer on my dog and tried to wipe it off with a paper towel but he kept getting away from you.
We were watchin sharknado and we hooked up while I had the Donald Trump shirt on. She said she felt like he was staring at her
Do me a favor and scream dirty things at him in a polite sexy, come hither way
For full disclosure: I told my roommates last night that you have a very clean asshole.
Ugh. I need to go to the store, but I'm too lazy. Whatever shall I do? That girls still passed out. I should steal her car
Randomize
