Just cropdusted the office
Apparently I think casual Friday means I can show up unshaven in yesterday's clothes and reeking of booze.
and then he said he has been waiting since high school to touch my boobs
Don't text me when you know I'm doing lines on my phone
She agreed that we could have sex whenever I wanted and I could let someone else meet my mom.
Watched a women out our tannin salon literally fight police because she was getting arrested for trying to drunkenly fight the tanning salon owner...we need to step up our day drinking this is shameful.
Yeah we call her cincohandjabos because she gave 5 guys handjobs one night in 5th grade
You need to stop having girl talk with the guys I'm sleeping with.
somehow I feel like "adventures with cocaine and molly" wouldn't be an appropriate "How I Spent My Spring Break" essay topic.
Drunk Jeff aka Dreff thinks he's about 3x cooler than be really is and about 100x better at dancing than he really is
I walked into her room to find her sitting on the end of her bed with her heads in her hands talking to herself. She kept muttering things like "What? How? No. What? I don't --- How?" $10 says she's pregnant.
I'll see to your $10 and raise you $40.
do you remember yelling out "insecurity makes my pussy dry!" unnecessarily loud at the bar?
Write this down so you can tell me in the morning. "That bartender needs to be in my mouth."
I was not drunk enough for that final.
My co-worker accidentally texted me regarding the threesome him and other one are planning.
Randomize
