Then I opened the closet and then i found the babies
If you know any fat girls who would pay me for sex, I am low on money and morals right now
So even though we broke up apparently according to my voice mail you still like me, with smurfs while riding on a boat.
When we started taking double shots of vodka and chasing it with a lick of fruit roll-ups, I knew there'd be hell to pay in the morning.
But i guess when you use blowjob as a verb you are entitled to some language allowances
Two dudes got up on top of the pianos and danced shirtless. They didnt even get kicked out. I love vegas
They got a 10 foot tall beach ball from the roof of a McDonalds. Get the fuck over here.
if i'm ever face-down on the ground puking again, promise me you won't try to braid my hair?
I renamed his cat Jeff last night. Well I spray painted it on him.
So I vote that we skip the bowling and just go straight to destroying our livers.
Yeahhh, apparently my brothers think its ok not to check on me if a creeper is talking to me bc i "like those weirdo types"
She brought me back a blanket from Mexico, then we had sex on it
It was bitter sweet because I woke him up with sex but then I peed in his bed with him in it
I'm sitting here drinking whisky and listening to The Wiggles, I don't need a social life
I always want to see you. Honestly my only hesitation is that my ass is still kind of sore from Sunday 🥺
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