after I pulled back my foreskin she said, "cool like a transformer". I really like her now.
Completly hung over at midnight, I knew there was a downside to drinking at 2pm
He doesn't fuck you and he's married, why do you keep letting him cum all over your stomach?
In the hopes he'll just put it in one day?
Judging that there's a photo of me getting head while sitting on a graveyard tombstone.....not good.
Jake bring pizza.
JAKE BRING PIZZA.
Thanks for letting me rent out your vagina rec room. I don't expect the security deposit back.
Unlike bears, this weekend is not the #1 threat to America. It is, however, the #1 threat to my liver
Guess who just sucked off 1/5 of one direction?
So bored. I think I've expelled every last gram of jizz from my body.
Never ever make a tattoo bet. I now have a shamrock on my dick.
I'm using emojis for drug deals now. It's time to kill me.
I don't want to hook up with him sober. That's pretty much like saying I love you.
I just woke up with a pair of handcuffs in my pants, can u explain this?
Found your brother. He was passed out in the tub holding a bottle of Shatto milk wearing nothing but his tighty-whities.
I feel like I purchased a one way ticket to hell last night and its non refundable.
Randomize
