I know...I feel like disliking her as a person on facebook
No stds, not pregs, and lost two pounds. I'd call that a successful two years of grad school.
the girl walking home behind me started yelling and pointing "i want an ass like hers!" i feel vaguely accomplished.
I hate about 85% of people that I meet. I'm an awful person. In reality my only redeeming qualities are my face, my amazing scissoring skills and the fact that children love me.
True on all accounts.
he fucked me to the beat of the construction going on outside my house. i will never look at jackhammers the same ever again.
Dude I was taking a shower and I kept looking down at the drain expecting Mario to come up, yell "It's a me, Mario!", tickle my balls, and go back down the drain.
What? My family got wasted on patron and I threw up on my pants and said it was gravy. Hot mess.
When you can pee with one hand accurately while texting, you drink too much.
All I've done this weekend is cum and drink. I think it's safe to say I'm dehydrated.
i hate going to her parties because i always know everyone there which means everyone knows my ex which means i wont get laid
The cop said he like my hair today. Please explain all other interactions with law enforcement, k thanks
That was years ago. And it was chlamydia.
It's Friday you fucking nerd of course I'm drunk.
A young (I'm going to guess late middle school age) kid shouted at me from the crosswalk GAS PUMP OF SHAME! I have peaked in life.
just hooked up with a guy ON MY CAMPUS VISIT. god only knows whats gonna happen when im actually a student
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