i think i have two assholes
college drinking is stealing all my money, thank god planned parenthood is somewhat free
I got a chicken sandwich and a frosty out of her. Better then having sex
U sang "shots, shots, shots" then walked 2 ur top drawer and threw socks everywhere singin "SOCKS, SOCKS, SOCKS!"
Its like a 4.5 hour drive but there's drinking involved so I'm destined to go
next time a party gets busted lets get a group photo first.
They have a guy from new zealand living under their stairs.. they don't charge him rent. He just buys food and booze and bartends their house parties.
Just found a picture of a hobo making out with her tits...a HOBO
Having the sex-a-thon in the back yard led to some really odd tan lines.
Like handprints on my lower back...
I faked an orgasm during phone sex last night. This relationship is starting to become real.
We need to make boob twerking a thing. I feel like that's why vine was invented
It got quiet and we all stood around and opened the box and I've never seen so many burritos in my life man. it was fucking biblical.
I put a bagel at the end of my bed so every time I want a bite I have to do a sit up
He went down on me for an hour and a half. He needs to get promoted more often.
I got conspiracy theory drunk.
Randomize
