I hate u. Im listening to lady gaga and all i can hear is boca base om om om ommmm
I got "discovered a new religion high" last night
how do you say "fuck me and leave bruises" in italian?
if you wouldnt have been fucking me hard and crazy like that then my bed wouldn't have broke. you owe me 600.
so you admit it was good then??
I just took my friends on a tour of all the places I've had sex in my house. I dont know if that's more slutty, or the fact that it took 2 hours to complete..
you fell asleep spooning with his golden retriever. im not sure if thats more degrading for you or the dog
i really care about you, respect you, another gay word, and another gay word... lets just drink
Oh boy...do i want the 'something you can tell your mom in 10 yrs' version or the 'Im gonna call you a whore but be proud' version?
Just woke up to the best idea ever. Vodka infused BUTTER. Take a second, and think of the possibilities.
YOU ARE OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. I AM OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. HOW IS THIS REAL.
Looking through last night's sexting, realized one is a haiku..
You haven't lived until you've thrown up naked in a hotel room in Fargo while holding your breasts so they don't touch the toilet bowl.
No, the high point was when you stood on a chair and shouted you were the god of tits and wine.
If you had a dick, I would hope it falls off and comes back to haunt you while fucking your ears at night. But you don't. But if you did, that's how mad I am at you
Ha! Just garden hosed my vag and thought of you.
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