Whats up?
Drunk as a mother trucker with panties on her thumbnail..laying thee down
Stay up. I'm coming home in a little
Ill try..hurry!!!! Thine hour awaits you
stop changing my ringtone to people fucking, it looks bad at work
his receeding hairline makes running into him so much less awkward. almost enjoyable actualy
letting you know, as a good neighbor, that when your windows open and your shade is up we can hear and see you dancing naked to money maker... nice boobs
Ok. In one sink is a hairdrier. Still plugged in. The other is filled with broken glass. What do I do?!
Nvm. Bloody hand trumps dead. Also, where is gauze.
For future reference, the words 'big' and 'problem' should be used sparingly with a person whom you have recently had copious amounts of unprotected sex
No, I don't not want an upside down piggyback ride. You're drunk and there are rocks.
I just spent a pre-4th of july celebration riding in a raft being towed by a car through a town that I've never heard of handing out flyers for a river rafting company that I never knew existed. Good night.
He broke into my house just to tell me the door was locked.
Hey do you have any hot friends that would settle for less?
How much more is Amanda Bynes going to rip out our hearts?!?!?
I'm dressed as a caveman and drunk so that's not really an option
We had to go. She called the bartender a thundercunt.
I'm currently using a band-aid to cover my bar stamp from last night while I ask my professor for an extension. That's a sign of getting more responsible, right?
he said to "slap him" after he guessed the time correctly. i did.
Randomize
