you'd think he'd be slightly more humble with a penis that small
don't worry about the neighbors I'm like 99% sure all that snow covered a good portion of our vomit
i understand why you think this is a bad idea but its happening so buckle up an get your whiskey
Just looked in the mirror and i look like ive been gang banged. Im so proud of my boyfriend it almost hurts
Don't do anything you wouldn't want to explain to paramedics
But that's half the fun of it
I think im gonna bang this 35 year old at a kids birthday party in the bathroom at this house while the kids open the presents.
Day drunk and a can of soup and wine straight from the bottle and alone and on my kitchen floor.
I think I will be cutting those pills in half...Jesus just tried to sell me a toothbrush.
She started telling me about this odd patch of smooth skin under her boobs. Not sure if she was hitting on me or looking for free advise from a doctor...
I mean, I still played with her tits for like 20min tho.
No he's great. He's trying to do "sexy stuff" for me now, which is pretty hilarious. He stirred my daiquiri with his penis last night. He also tied a bouquet of flowers around it.
I watched Morgan Freeman explain the existence of nothing, now I'm afraid of sub - atomic particles. these egg rolls are outstanding
Well, my mom found the ball gag and whip. Looks like I'm never going home again.
I just got a text from a stranger offering to shave my asshole. I've been sober and out of town for a week, are you using my number as a dial-a-dumping again?
What can I say, I just want your vagina in my mouth.
Forget work, lets run away, rob banks, and have kinky sex with fuzzy handcuffs.
IT'S LIKE YOU READ MY MIND.
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