you fell asleep during kickboxing this morning
how does that even happen??
If you get a breast reduction, you have to let me see them before hand at least once. It's a rule.
I could write a book called "things that come out of my vagina"
You're not pinnochio. Lying isn't going to make it bigger.
Dubbing lion king over planet earth. That stoned.
Stop. He threw up in front of Madison Square Garden security. Spit at the guys feet and grunted ughhh at him.
Everyone is hammered wasted already...young, old, the dying, babies...we got them all
St Patricks Day is not the day you decide to have a sober epiphany.
They sat at the bar while we waited for a table. When the hostess came to seat us, they were shitfaced, and swordfighting wth chop sticks.
Just realized that St. Patty's is on a Saturday this year in case you were interested in coming to New York and redefining bender with me.
Are you feeling okay?
Right now, not a single thing feels even slightly okay. That hungover.
I do believe that seeing camel toe in leopard print pants at Walmart is the closest I will ever come to going on a safari
Just participated in the saddest thing: Cheetos. Handjob. I have lost at life
You fell asleep on the toilet and he was like uh should I take her off?
We walked 3 miles to the strip club. Stopped for roadies, it wasn't that bad.
Randomize
