Some girl next to me in class is making a list of whta to pack for spring break & it was a normal list until she put birth control in all caps w/ stars around it
he sent me a picture of his dick with a heart border around it
running the faucet water is not hiding the sound of you vomiting. fyi.
I found him in bed on a pullout couch with another dude. He had two empty puke buckets and his empty bottle of jagermeister right by his head.
You never know, some chick could have a weird unibrow fetish.
Knowing that he goes to voodoo every Thursday really makes me want to get myself checked.
On the way home she put on a necklace with her name on it and wrote my name in sharpie across my chest so that in the morning we could avoid the awkward Idk who the fuck you are conversation. Best. Girl. Ever.
Guess who just got out of a ticket because the cop liked her costume? THIS GIRL.
WHEN THE FUCK DID MCDONALD'S DECIDE TO QUIT SERVING BURGERS AT 1:00AM?
I would peed on everything
I told her I didn't have a condom. She then sized me with her thumb and finger and tossed me a large. Then I asked her to marry me.
You know how I said I'd never worry about my roommate? Well I just walked in on her masturbating to Star Trek.
Did she boldly cum where no one has cum before?
You asked for 4 things: your phone, your wallet, your keys and your denture. I stopped asking questions.
Yes I peed all over myself and lost both my credit cards, who wants to know?
And then I realized my chick friends consist only of sober you, drunk you and hungover you
i just really want to fuck a guy wearing lederhosen
it'll be sexier than it sounds, i promise
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