Hey kate, how is it?
sloppy...it's emily. kate just tried to do a keg stand. they dropped her. we're leaving.
mmmm my 21st bday fucking sucks all my best friends are pregnant...selfish assholes. they just couldnt wait til after my bday.
he sent her a picture of his penis to show that he "trusts her" or some shit like that..well she showed it to me, and let me just tell you..it looked like a freaking slug or something. creepiest penis i've ever seen. hands down
So at this point...I'm sure you heard the story about Saturday night
She is a fish and this place is a barrel. I can play this game.
He could list all of the presidents! Every one, and in order!! I was so impressed the least I could do was give him a blow job.
Ah, yes. Making our founding fathers proud.
At my internship. I get drug tested tmr at 2
Are they going to pay you for the one day you worked?
whoever put homecoming and halloween on the same weekend owes me a new liver and a get out of jail free card.
I'm going to fuck every single member of the men's olympic swimming team and no one is going to stop me
i decided this morning while eating my breakfast of red bull and cold pizza that i should take a vow of celibacy
Virginity is like the pottery barn-you break it, you bought it.
Thanks....I've always wanted my vagina compared to an overpriced coffee table
i decided if i had to, i could survive with only 3 fingers on each hand.
Come through the front door when you get here.
Right now I'm so wasted I can't determine whats a door and a window.
That was a very uncomfortable conversation to have without pants on. But his mom was pretty cool about it.
At 3:00am my whole house started smelling like cooking meat. I have no idea why she thought it was a good idea to crock-pot a WHOLE turkey that early in the morning.
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