WHY CAN'T YOU EVER SHIT LIKE A NORMAL PERSON, JESSE.
Either your mom needs to stop making spagetti or we need to lay off the anal. I cant tell you how much im in pain.
Spagetti cuz im not giving up the other one.
You know, I really only think drinking is a problem if you're not good at it.
words cant express how excited I am to make January 1st our own personal version of The Hangover
she said if I bought her franzia she would blow me, and she would fuck me if I splurged on martini and rossi. Franzia it is
But I always wanted my obit to read "Died violently in casino orgy," not "Never woke up from rectal surgery."
I just ran up four flights of stairs in heels, im getting an orgasm tonite.
Had dinner with my ex husband. The box of wine is gone and I'm laying on the floor in my wedding dress. Where are you?!
I just woke up in his house on his bathroom floor with an IV in my arm.
At some point you realize they're vacuuming and you still have to sober up. Please find me a boyfriend thanks .
Sorry I pissed in your closet and lied to your parents that it was probably a flood. He got up to go to the bathroom, expecting sex when he got back, I panicked
I'm too pretty to go to jail. Especially in Louisiana.
You left your pants here again. 4th time in a row. How can you walk home without pants?
It's only 3 AM. There's still time to get arrested today.
I just called my kid butt plug. Does that make me a bad mommy??
This may be the most diplomatic thing you've ever said
Randomize