see... this is why i put birth control in all my friends drinks
wait.... you do what?
Dude there are two smokin hot chicks laying outside my apartment...I almost want to tell them theyre laying where I threw up last night
U should. Its a good ice breaker
we got back to my place and he started talking about feelings. i politely told him to leave and that he managed to cock block himself.
"romantic friends" sounds more classy then friends with benfits
And the best part is that she's coming home to find that I completely shaved her dog.
Scored tix to flower show. Do we want to go drunk on Saturday or hungover on Sunday? Only two options.
Like not in a "I wanna have sex with you way" more like a "I wanna cuddle your mustache way"
Law school has no idea what kind of prospect they have coming in. I just convinced a cop not to take me to jail by asking him if he really felt like cleaning puke out of his car tonight.
Ive been thinking this might sound random.. But we need a piano in our house next year specifically for railing chicks on it.
Just make it a game! Like 20 questions STD style.
My mom just asked me if I can obtain a fake ID by thursday
FML I accidentally sent the text about his bruised balls as a group text that included his brother and my boss.
Three times. Three times I left home yesterday in search for sex, and three times I returned un-orgasmed.
I have more important things to worry about than you drowning your cheerios in tequila.
I'm currently drunk proofing my room
Randomize
