Can you please tell me why there's a bottle of urine on my night stand with a note that says "in case you're thirsty in the morning"? Thanks.
Asian chick on skype stripping for me. Hold on give few min
Before we started fucking, he laid me on the bed, and asked my what my sleep number was, so that i would be "comfy"
He said I was like bonnie and clyde all rolled into one but twice as trashy and 75% less clothes...
He obviously understands you completely.
I only broke up with her because the ex sex is amazing. She will do ANYTHING if i even hint at getting back together
Naked Twister starts at high noon
Dude he was freaking out because he thought he was walking on crates, and he just kept saying help me
At one point I was giving him a handjob and I started singing Call Me Maybe
I ate all his french fries. He was no longer useful to me.
Who showers for four hours?!
It was like a tropical nap.
After he finished he sang his college fight song like it was some victory
The band last night was really good
That was definitely karaoke. Guess that answers my follow up question on how drunk you were.
Just woke up and spent the first hour of consciousness throwing up with the Rocky theme song on repeat.
Yeah. I couldn't figure out why my toes hurt. Apparently, the guy I was dancing with, kept running them over with his wheelchair.
If you're into enormous nipples, you should ask out my office's receptionist.
Randomize
