She is making me post-sex grilled cheese at 2 am wearing only shorts and cowboy boots. I am so in love
I just realized that i have never seen about 30 percent of my friends sober before
What's the point of having 3 fuck buddies when their periods all seem to sync up
he asked me if i would dance for him to make it easier for him to jack off. does that answer your question.
I started making my dollar bills into rings for the strippers
He wore my sunglasses on his honeymoon..... so there's that.
Blacked out, Had to be carried out of the bar again by two large black bouncers. Asked them to be my "boo thangz" Again.
At one point he was so drunk he was carrying around a bottle of patron drinking out of it and falling everywhere and every time he spilled it he would scream "THERE GOES TWENTY DOLLARS."
Did you drink ALL that 151??
No. We drank all the jaeger... Then used the 151 to start the fire. We're also out of paper towels... And your hairspray is flammable.
Why did you load my phone up with pics of Al Gore?
The cleaning lady has moved my vibrator twice now so I would say I'm pretty ready to move out.
Mom and I are both drunk and walking around the Strip. It's like the hangover but with a lot more bathroom breaks.
They started shooting fireworks out of a dryer. It was my cue to leave.
Her boyfriend offered to buy me a vibrator. I'm not sure how to feel about that.
she filled my toilet with birdseed... i tried flushing it but now it's clogged so she has to come over and fix it because it was her mistake in the first place
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