Definitely still drunk while signing the 'responsible adult' form at the hospital
and she's shaped like a lego person so that's not happening
I wish "capable of destroying an innocent girl's life" is something I could put on my resume
Woke up wearing just a scarf, the holidays are definetly here
If you dont, I will tell Dad you are gay.
Fine, and I will tell him you fucked his business partner
Previous statement retracted.
as soon as his mom opened the door to let me in the house she asked if i would like a shot
it's gonna be a great weekend
Cumming on a girls face is guy code for you're not wife material.
I feel like I shouldn't be doing my banking stoned. But I bought a new bowl. Her name is Sharpe. Pronounced Shar-Pay.
You passed out and she managed to carry you all the way back to your dorm last night. I believe your testicles now her property.
did i paint my nails blue or do i need to make a trip to the ER?
Pretty sure the nurse said at one point I was in full restraints because I tried surfing my stretcher
So it turns out that my mom and her dad used to hook up when they were our age
Never been so glad that I look so much like my dad that there's no question as to my paternity
I can't take my grandparents out somewhere where I've fucked half the staff.
Watching the blind side bc I need a good cry to make sure I'm still human after this weekend's questionable life choices
He kept saying "Ayyyyyyy" during foreplay... during sex.... during everything! It felt like I was having sex with friggin Fonzie from Happy Days!
Randomize