i hope your v-card owns a pair of floaties
The party tonight has no theme but I decided to go as a home wrecker.
happy early fathers day!!!
im not a father
about that...
we found her in my closet eating a clove of garlic.
Well if were past the bullshitting stage yes if not then no I'm not that kind of guy
Stripperoke is exactly what it sounds...
Mr. Clingalot just ran from our apartment. What the hell?
I started to cry afterward and mumble random things. Examples: "God, please don't make me be so gay anymore" and "my mom is going to be so proud of me for fucking a dude this time." It was that or let him stay the night and cuddle. I mean, fuck that horrible shit I'm a girl that needs her space.
Oh my god. I'm not ready to be an adult. I'm not ready.
Just wait til you visit, there will be an endless supply of fresh dick for your demand #economics
If the Cards come back I will fly to St Louis and shit in a very public place.
Today's walk of shame includes last nights hair and make up, an 8 hour shift, me leading a meeting and me throwing up in a parking lot on my way to work. Dear world, you're welcome.
I literally stopped banging her when my ESPN app alerted me that the Spurs had won. That's how much I hate Lebron. I would rather watch him cry in the post game interviews than get it in
Sex with you deserves a trophy and a day of remembrance in honor of it.
woke with Taco Bell next to me in bed and people's shoe sizes written on my arm.
I just realized that this is the first time I've ever seen your mom without sucking your cock.
Randomize
