I'm calling you out on twitter if you don't come over right now.
last night was a success...if success means i don't remember the guy's name and my panties are somewhere in the parking lot behind the bar
So I just went home and made my own spanx by cutting the legs off of a pair of nylons. I'm either a genius or missed my calling to live in a trailer park.
The idiot babysitter thought my dildo was a teething toy and gave it to our child.
Did you put it in the freezer again?
It's always exciting to touch a new boob.
my sister and i are watching a movie and pregaming together. and by pregaming i mean shes not drinking since she 14 and im drinking alone.
I think he'd cut a tree down for me. He's from North Dakota. That's something hot guys do there, right?
she screamed"i told you already! counter clockwise spiral and the clockwise spiral!!" right in the middle of sex
wow, i never thought dating a choreographer would be so harsh
My roommate threw his shoe through our window and I came out of my blackout kicking holes in my wall. Pretty sure Edward 80 Hands won't be happening anymore.
Sitting here reading the internet and all i have to show for this summer is a shitty tan and the possible case of clamidia.
No. 70% of the female population would find them attractive. The other 30% are lesbian and even they would appreciate them for their strong bodies and athletic capabilities.
I told you, she may have multiple personality disorder, but like in the most upbeat way possible.
Sending a pic of labia to send to the TN Legislator. Obviously they don't think I know what to do with it so I'm gonna ask them for advice.
You stuck your false lashes to your upper lip and then asked that ONE kid with facial hair if your "mustaches could touch" as an excuse to make out.
I really love you. Like, more than tequila...& we both know that's my favorite.
Randomize
