Aj just asked if we were going to the bulldog tonight..i told her no because of the expense and tests coming up..but mostly because i don't want herpes
Really stoned
just sent my roommate on a cheese run
Life lesson #57: drinking whisky out of apples leads to threesomes.
Should you consider yourself out of control when everyone at the party is cheering you on while you're puking, and on the last heave you act like you're rolling dice right before the finale???
You know, I had the money for a pregnancy test, but at the time, tacos were more important.
I'm really tired of your booty call eating my fruity pebbles.
Her mom is home on her lunch break. Guess who's hiding In the Closet?
Apparently I blacked out and pissed all over the sliding glass door from the inside, as everyone watched from the outside helplessly....
you're like that jamaican tarat card reading chick... only with herpes
I DON'T CARE LET'S GET DRUNK AND GO. I STRAIGHTENED MY HAIR DO THIS FOR ME.
I asked him if we could hang out sometime when we weren't hammered. He said he'd email me his number... that's when I knew I was going to die alone
"Work from home" is code for "morning drinks" right?
They only searched every other person. But I sacrificed myself to get our vodka across the border
Well sure, my hetero side is thrilled, but my gay side is soooo judging
I've never been so tempted to check my phone during sex in my life.
Randomize
