i just saw someone i know on True Life. i need new friends.
I want to apologize 3 days in advance for what's about to take place on St. Patrick's day.
Yo dude either Brian has herpes or he was jerking off to Web MD 'cause I just walked in on him
Why do I have flashes of a dark shed in my memory?
Because we had sex in one.
coming from the girl bound and determined to pee in the snow
why would you restrict a girl of that
I kinda wanna eat your hands right now.
Put down the everclear and go to bed.
You are. Embrace it. But you are the right kind of asshole.
damnit. I just found my cousin on tinder.
I don't know man, I woke up and shes here acting like she knows me, wearing my clothes, and scrambling eggs in my kitchen. I don't know her.
You were drinking with me last night, I warned you.
Are we at that point yet where I can just say "I want you to sit on my face"? If not, want to go out for "drinks"?
Her cop pants made me imagine I was riding a unicorn and by unicorn I mean her face
Details are irrelevant. Come bail me out of jail.
He kept saying "Welcome to Indianapolis" over and over while we were having sex...because that's his hometown. I was scared and confused... I didn't know if I should have said thank you or what.
Dude get over here. Steven brought super soakers filled with colored vodka.
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score onr for mom.
Randomize
