Im so sleepy and hes snoring super loud! i just wanna suffocate him, sleep, and deal with the body when I wake up
It's sad how good I am at giving people diseases
I'd steal beers with my tail. If I were a monkey.
Yes someone did see you carrying a beer bong on the side of coastal highway
I said i love rain, just to change the subject, and he said 'id like to do it in the rain'. Dear lord. He doesnt stop
On my way home right now. I miss you. let's cuddle. whiskey.
It was her first time with a girl so I put on my tegan and Sara playlist to really get the full experience.
You told me you aren't worried about the police that you've been training for this an that the last three months of your life have been devoted to building up your stun gun tolerance and pepper spray recovery time.
I even got my dealer to make gluten free special cookies ;-)
Just think Febushuary. A whole month of 70's esque bush! This is the dream
Well, if you're getting/have gotten your dick sucked, you're welcome. If not, I tried. Step up your game, pussy. I pulled a MacGuyver and got mine. No excuses bro.
Drunkenly, I gave him a molly instead of an aleve so A) I'm still looking for him and B) I'm not sure about his headache.
When you get shitfaced you find strippers when I get shitfaced I speak to woodland creatures, do you see the dilema?
He lit my hand on fire and bought me chicken nuggets. I'm in love.
You like that 95% of the time I masterbate I think bout you?
Just wanna know what I can I do to earn the other 5%
Randomize
