You stuck the head of a rubber chicken you found in her house up your ass and then started running around her living room. Naked.
you're single. I'm single. let's spend vday with the 3 most important men in our lives: ben, jerry, and josé
how can i incorporate a boy scout uniform into what i do tonight?
i was taking a dump when this random girl ran in, puked all over my lap, then passed out on the floor
did you bang her?
seriously?
Vodka infused whipped cream. Shit just got real.
Youre on making sure I dont black out around fat chicks duty
How did you get the entire couch up on it's side and into the bathroom?
Hey do you have a way to post bail? If not we can hook you up. If a police officer is reading this please ask him and respond in a timely fashion. I am concerned for my imprisoned friend
I may or may not be taking a bath listening to the Phantom of the Opera. This lovely moment brought to you by xanax.
HOLY FUCK COMFIEST CHAIR EVER
He's rapping about a turtle neck sweater. Please come get me.
As long as you don't want to make a shrine out of my eyelashes It's all good
He was like low grade Riff Raff, but I hit it. Twice. His grill popped out the second time.
i can do like, 15 pushups. 20 if i listen to dubstep.
There is way too much butt cleavage here for a formal event.
Randomize
