Fuck?...well quicky, i have to study...unless you can read my book while i bang you, then it can last four chapters
I can be that talented
I'm so hungover that the internet is hard.
I bought the tickets, he brought the weed. thanks to you, we had to roll a joint out of my bible paper.
What the fuck. The girl next to me just looked at her phone, put her stuff away, and popped a birth control and ran out of class. Lucky fucking guy.
Can you explain my first weekend back, because there a lot of blacked out gaps and 32 friend requests i would like to know about
He came home all fucked up crying slammed his bedroom door and all we could hear for about three hours was THIS ISN'T GONA RUIN MYLIFe what happend
I told him I got this chick pregnant and he has to get a new wingman
When did it become appropriate to call your mother the morning after? While still naked in bed? WHEN?!
I want to throw all of their shoes in the pool so I feel like there is some justice in the world
Jesus, I just want to drink. Also simultaneously punch things and rub my vagina on them.
Shit. She's still hooking up with some random in the doorway. How do I get out of here?
Well hurry! Everybody is already at McDonalds.
I'm free! Didnt realize how easy it was to crawl out the window.
I went down on her on the dining room table. That should count for something.
Like do I send him a nude to ease his mind off his brother having a stroke? I'm not very good with words when it comes to consoling... I would be a terrible mother.
I just traded sex to frolic with a box of husky puppies. Is this rock bottom?
90% sure the total babe I have been talking to all night has a kid. Ugh, so sad right now.
Im so high
You make me want to do things that I'm pretty sure are illegal.
Randomize
