no more stoned jack in the box. this is the third night in a row.
You got so drunk you kept singing the Sailor Moon theme song and kept making everyone call you Sailor Venus.
I knew I shouldn't have slept with her...my dick looks like a stegosaurus tail
She went off on a twilight/new moon tangent before we even got back to my room. i had to jump the ship and pretended to pass out on the sidewalk.
Sketchest drug deal yet.... I just got paid in quarters and chucky chesse tokens. I need to stop hooking my friends up.
I cant talk about it right now or let you guess, but its something you and i would do. Kinda like that time we had the case of beer and went bowling
You hooked up with minors in a golf cart?
Well look at it this way, if he should happen to get into a terrible accident within the next 2 days, its okay.. i have his dental records on my ass cheek.
He got thrown out for leaning over the bar topless and pouring himself some beer while singing the james bond song
you know that feeling on acid where you think the world stops just to fuck with you? That's what it felt like.
Okay well we need to be adults. We're gonna end up with diabetes or some shit.
My ex's new girlfriends ex boyfriend is getting me my nipples pierced for Valentine's Day so who's the real winner here
I see you listening to my get shitfaced playlist on spotify. glad we're on the same page tonight there's a drink waiting for you downstairs.
The only people who really get me are strippers and mascots for sports teams.
You know, you could always move. Lol somewhere without gators, water moccasins, and Marco Rubio.
He fucked the hangover right out of me. That good.
Randomize
