I swear to god Optimus Prime and Megatron are fighting in my head right now.
He went down on me and then slapped my ass saying "thanks for the confidence boost"... is this all I'm good for?
Who was that couple sleeping in your bed with us last night?
we were both as far on opposite edges of my bed as possible this morning. id say work is gonna be a little uncomfortable from now on
We did naked snow angels in 14 degree weather, you can't tell me you had more liquor at that party
I just got my hands on some dry ice. How do you feel about coming home to a mystical wizard toilet?
Yelling at the starbucks lady to write Beyoncé on my cup
WHY IS IT FROWNED UPON THE DRESS UP IN CAT COSTUMES AND SIT OUTSIDE OF BARS WITH A BOX OF WINE I THOUGHT THIS WAS AMERICA
So I woke up with a terribly bandaged finger an then discovered a pot of bloody onions on the stove.....who the fuck decided it was a good idea for me to try and cook
I may have had several rum punches and then gone to the store and used European cucumbers to prove my baton twirling prowess.
PS there is a naked boy in my bed and I just left for the bar...
The not so cute guy next to me made me play Kid Rock on the jukebox but I'm a big believer in free drinks so I obliged.
Just realized tomorrow is the anniversary of the time Dean and I glued DJ's leg back together with Neosporin and an Ace bandage. I'm bringing red velvet cupcakes to the party to celebrate.
Just left the ER. Only good thing... my hot ass nurse Carlos stripped me.
God works in mysterious ways.
I am still worried she'll have a seizure durring. What would I do? Try to ride it out and finish, or pull out and assist?
Randomize
