You really need to take down the pics of you and your boyfriend on facebook. It's becoming increasingly harder to jerk off while i'm Facebook stalking your pics at 2am.
so apparently telling her she could shit easier and therefore lose weight faster wasn't the best arguement for getting anal.
Going to a party tonight. Sorority girls will be there. Primary goal of the night: make one cry. Secondary goal: become a father.
next time a party gets busted lets get a group photo first.
Are you really this nice or are you just trying to get in my pants?
Both?
literally the only thing you kept saying was "i wish i had a beer keg vending machine that accepted hugs as payment" and everytime you said it you rubbed the urn her grandmother's remains were in
i'm pretty sure i saw my life flash before my eyes when we ran a red light. i continued to drink and be the drunk backseat driver.
It was huge And he was twirling it around. Im telling you, beautiful wonderpenis
I don't even know why im sitting in this office eating a poptart.
i climbed out of the bath tub this morning and found him taped to the treadmill
She was wearing my robin hood hat from Halloween shouting "steal from the rich and give to the poor, mothafuckaaaaas." We are taking her everywhere.
Well, thats the first guy to go to jail because of my vagina
Post that event on your timeline
I literally was just rolling on the ground and said to her 'this is what dying looks like'
I've had more jaegerbombs than I can count on 3 fingers
Is there a nice, calm way of telling your friend/housemate/former lover/person who does not reciprocate your feelings that your period is late?
Randomize
