maybe touching the ground while going 70 wasn't such a great idea after all..
Unfortunately, they didn't pull of their wake and bake plans. Instead, they waked and vomited like a half-retarded giraffe till everyone woke up.
She tried to keep her legs crossed last night while doing a keg stand. Way to keep it classy.
Showering in the handicapped shower. Im THAT hungover.
You really need to get over the whole "jail" thing. Its really not that bad.
FYI If I die in my sleep it is because I drank a bottle of coke from 1986. I needed a mixer
you took the tequila shot and then procceded to eat the lime..we told you to spit it out but you just straight face kept chomping
I just learned a new drink. Sloppy Ninja. Half Saki Half Nyquil
he told me he could still feel the blowjob i gave him last year
wow. THAT good huh
you fail at everything in life besides blacking out
Cause I'll toss Tabasco sauce in his eyes and yell "Cobra attack" and walk away
I'm really glad I had vomit on my sweater when I met his sister.
And if you haven't kicked a pigeon you haven't started your morning right
Guy running next to me at the gym is judging me. I think he can smell the whiskey leaking out of my pores.
Listen this is important.. if I die tonight you have to be the drug dealer at my funeral
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