As my groomsman, I expect you to learn the Thriller dance with me before next September.
So I just saw a commercial for tickle me Elmo furry gloves. And I thought hmm I bet I could jerk off with those. Is that a sign of deepseated charachter issues?
The seats are awesome but you see two of each player.
Just promise me you won't ring in the new decade by clutching onto a toilet
dude there's automatic no homos on brad Pitt and Leonardo dicaprio. Everyone knows that
if you really think there are plastic pots safe for the stove i fear for your future landlords.
My goal for tonight: make tomorrow as awkward as humanly possible.
I'm wearing a shirt that says "birthday girls #1 homo" ...what has my life come to?
I woke up with no pants, someone elses shirt, but my new years crown still on. That is dedication.
You carried me up the stairs after I told you not to. And what did you tell me? "Let me test my strengths."
Well despite the fact that I'm still not entirely sure this isn't an elaborate/cunning plan to kill me, I'm in.
Is eating fries while lying on the floor bad for you?
If I choke and die at least I will have been doing something I love
We get drunk and make out in different places. Is that what love is?
I made him laugh his dick is mine
We woke up on vday and got high and played frisbee in our living room for a couple hours and then had sex. It was probably the most romantic valentine's day i've ever had
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