dude. she was texting with her nipple. I love touch screen phones!
Sure, fine. Daughter just told me she is not a virgin anymore. I am gonna start drinking now
Ok see being that I'm not present or participating your vague texts "neeeeed that" and "vagina" leave a lot to question.
I just figured you know how to drive a boat and I know how to get drunk. What can go wrong
He titled his birthday party on facebook, "BJ's in PJ's- an adult slumber party." I'm the only one invited.
Let me stew on this while im plucking my nipple hairs and showering.
Just got a message on OkCupid from a 20-year-old who has "Momma's Boy" tattoed across his chest and thinks the earth is bigger than the sun.
Just used my front-facing camera to check my pupils. Technology!
New low. Just realized I hooked up with a guy from Grindr in the hallway of a building my great grandfather used to own..
I know he's not here, but I can still see him. I found some of my old stash and its good shit so its expected to see sunlight at night and scary llama men. Midgets or otherwise.
I need you to be best friend brutally honest about whether or not I can go into public like this.
He is such a generous lover, I can look past the fact his name is fucking Bob.
Ohhh the usual. Laying in bed reflecting on my decisions
For the record you're an amazing lay and you have great taste in breakfast sandwiches
This is the best thing we've done since that time we started a religion
Randomize
