I have demons in me.
I told her it just looked small because my balls were gigantic. She bought it.
you turned your livingroom into a bong?
i dedicated my morning wood to you.
no you cant smoke seaweed
third eye blind makes so much more sense now that i have a drug problem
I don't have enough holes for all these australians
I'm using my ex boyfriends dog to find a guy at the park I could see fuck buddy potential in. I'm the queen of irony.
worst part about day drinking... waking up to george lopez
I can't figure out how to get this beer bong in my carry on without airport security questioning me as it goes through the x-ray.
She told me she's going to buy a projector so she can watch porn on her ceiling...I'm telling you man this chick is going places
It was awful. He had a wife
And now you've had a year of virgin penance. Absolve yourself.
Also I've been at work for an hour and I've already been "honey"d "babe"d and "beautiful"d by three separate men. Apparently hungover with yesterdays make up looks good on me.
At first I was nervous about leaving him my undergraduate legacy, but apparently he made out with lesbians, woke up with hickeys and a different shirt. My family name will survive.
I think it was a low point but honestly at this point I've had so many that my life is like a valley
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