I just woke up with the words DO IT on my hand and six beers in my purse.
no memory loss, but i'm unhappy with my memories
he had a blacklight sublime poster, of course i had to do him.
He talks to me in this sweet I know you might be pregnant voice.
i like being sick. whatever the doctor gave me is awesone. the walls are waving at me. i never want to get better.
He is making me drink his THC water out of a milk jug.
he pulled a $400 bottle of champagne out of the back part of his toiled and I was ready to blow him then and there
it wasn't sex so much as.....a disastrously uncomfortable sexual experience
It's been a year of occasional hook ups....this was bound to happen sometime even with your jank ovary schedule.
You went through my pantry and left one of everything in the box. One cracker. One cheesit. One piece of cereal. I really fucking hate you.
Just a suggestion, don't apricot scrub your vagina.
Idk I'm drinking Sam Adams and wearing new balances so I'm basically a dad
I've got a surprise in the fridge when you get back.
Is it a puppy?
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like running into your ex boyfriend at the liquor store at 3 in the afternoon.
suburban family judging/laughing at us after Jenna just pulled two flasks out of her boot on the subway
Randomize
