I forgot how ruthlessly advertising works on me when I'm high.
Turns out Woolite can get the cum stains out of her moms couch.
NASCAR RACE 2010 NO REGRETZZZ!!!
It is literally 8 in the morning.
I somehow ended up with a bottle of red wine in one hand and white in the other and would drink them at the same time. Ruined
The jerky fairy visited my fridge. It's glorious.
Sneezing blood is a good thing right? Medically speaking.
It was like stroking your vagina with a cloud.
It was a group decision to take your pants off. Took a solid 10 minutes. No more skinny jeans while drinking.
the guy sitting next to me at the bar has a patrick swayze tattoo hovering over a roast beef sandwich. 'merica.
Wow it must be so difficult to be as popular as you are and smoke as much weed as you do
The guy I made out with the other night fed me chipotle favored funions and I thought it was true love when I was drunk.
I ain't lettin her quit anyway. We don't fuck enough for her to meet the housewife requirements
I refuse to believe you if you're trying to tell me humanity as a whole isn't sad, tired, and craving Chinese food.
Dude, she had a pound of gunpowder in her closet. I for sure got a fear boner.
Its nights like last night that make me want to high five my liver.
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