I wanna crawl in your skin and have dreams about Bobby Kennedy tonight.
A moment of silence for all our pussy whips bro's who had to endure the NEW MOON premier!
Oh my god. My pre-date bowl for nerves tuned into "I'm too high for this date" he kept talking about trucks and I couldn't stop making racial slurs.
Omg. One night stands are not supposed to show up to your swim class the morning after. Worst lesson ever.
how is telling me how long you drunkenly fucked someone supposed to make me miss you?
oh you know, the usual stuff. getting kicked out of bars and sleeping in cars.
Hey your work video crashed my computer. The 8 pornos running in the other window didn't. Congratulations.
He's sweet and rough. A wonderful contradiction. He's the starburst of sex.
my hand froze to the top of can of beer cuz i fell asleep outside. i decided to find a way to open the bottom of the can before addressing my severe frostbite. PRIORITIES!
spending my first valentines day single in 3 years blazed and eating heart shaped brownies i bought myself. WHO NEEDS A MAN.
You spent the entire night trying to get me to make out with you
yeah I remember. your boyfriend shouldnt have cheered me on though.
you know what? fuck you, fuck your nana, and ESPECIALLY FUCK THE BLACKHAWKS.
He literally said, while inside me, "I would smack your ass but I don't want to wake my mom up". Amazing.
how soon in a friendship can you start calling them a motherfucker
I woke up spooning with two strangers on Saturday morning... I felt like a sexual sandwich
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