Yes someone did see you carrying a beer bong on the side of coastal highway
You didn't want to have sex last night because you said your grandpa just died and you didn't want him watching..
Well when you're drinking tequila mixed with water out of a steve Austin cup I really don't think acquiring a straw is your main priority
he tried to catch his projectile vomit...then went back to beer pong
You beat him at the shot competition, and proceeded to rub it in while telling everyone to "ASK ME A MATH QUESTION!!!"
I'm eating cheerios out of the palm of my hand while I pee with the door open. Is this adulthood?
Nothing is creepier than a guy telling you "I was just thinking about you" in a men's bathroom when taking a shit
And literally 4loko margaritas are callin my name. They're like "Hey girl come on over here I'll make you forget about grades and boys and it'll be a good idea to send everyone 55 snapchats of your cleavage" ok
I lost all of my bathing suit tops.. This is both a success and a failure
Our first order of business as new roommates was to test the sex acoustics of our rooms. I need a new box spring.
I totally have a huge crush on him though which is fucking up my "classy she-demon with limited feelings" vibe
My farts smell like burning tires and false courage
And then you screamed, "I JUST WANNA POUR MAPLE SYRUP ALL OVER HIM AND RAVISH HIS BODY!!"
The first thing my Christmas gift money is buying is a dildo.
when i was on the highway she passed out and knocked my transmission into nuetral with her forehead...that was an experience
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