just got pizza delivered to the hot tub. its easier than i thought to be this lazy
is it sad that pink shorts and cowboy hats remind me of getting jizz in the hair?
My Nuvaring birth control makes me queef.
one day I'm really going to regret not using the boners I got in planes and cars
FUUUUUCK she froze all my quaters inside the ice cubes again
It's like salsa. But with balls in it. I like to call it balsa
Just think. Tomorrow you'll wake up, shower, and get your brains fucked out. That's your ice cream. Today is your peas and carrots.
I'm now drinking beer through a straw. By order of the bartender.
They're basically the Kennedys. This is the family I fucked in to. I'm so proud of my vagina as much as it feels shitty for my heart.
i just deleted him from my phone. and yes... I did just text you this from less than 20 feet away.
I'm not judging.. I sure as hell am not getting out of my bed to come talk to you about this. but i support your decision
I stirred my drink with a butcher knife. His roomate keeps giving me dirty looks
Like what do you want from me
Plus my fingers were hella swollen from eating all these cured meats so it was like I was given it to her with Hulk Hands on
We're gonna start a pole dancing competition or a bar fight. Stand by for results.
He got punched in the face last night? By who? I’ll invite him to our formal. Seriously.
theres a girl in the library eating whip cream out of a starbucks cup... only whip cream, im way to high for this shit
Randomize
