it doesn't get any better than taco bell and soft core porn
My Mom bought me a vibrating toothbrush. Maybe this is her way of apologizing for throwing away my other thing that vibrated.
we screwed to my bar mtzvah tape, I became a man while watching myself becom a man
I'm going to start giving girls scratch off lottery tickets when they leave my place in the am. That way they have a chance of not regretting the night before
Not even close. I woke up in the bed of Codys truck. Wrapped up in a sleeping bed, using a stuffed alligator as a pillow. And Alex was laying naked beside me. Not to mention I wasn't wearing the clothes I got there in.
some people offered us free beer as long as we shotgunned it and after you shotgunned four without pausing they took their offer back
All I remember is running out of the bathroom with one shoe on and the other in my hand. Pretty sure I was yelling as well.
You'd be amazed at how difficult it is to find pics of the helicopter dick
I am very proud of your internet skills
Eh maybe I should give her a chance. Let's see where making a porno takes the friendship
come home. i made deep-fried hotdogs; don't let me die alone.
4 out of 7 roommates in one month isn't that bad if you think about the fact that 3 of them were in the last 24 hours
There may or may not be an ass shaped dent in the hood of my car. All I know is windshield wipers aren't as sturdy as you think to hold onto.
Drunk in my hotel room, eating taco bell, and crying at Nicki Minaj's life story.
This is why I keep you in my life.
her and her boyfriend kept giving me coke ad kissing me talking about my awesome boobs
If he didn’t pick us up we would have been jerkwards eating sad pancakes at a Denny’s.
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