From the crime scene it appears that I attempted to throw up into a candle.
Me too. I'd like to spend all next summer high and drunk and riding ponies and boys.
I wish scraping a resin bowl could be considered cleaning.
while fucking on the counter the whip cream was conveniently right next to us. i love thanksgiving
I have a new fascination with cutting really small segments of hair off peoples heads when they're not looking.
mind if i send you a dick pic? so you can see what she wasn't doing right?
And really all I wanted was to be like "hey can I borrow your dick for a few hours this weekend?"
Did you blackout Saturday before or after we had sex in a random snow bank?
Can't wait to bequeath this flannel to my grandchildren someday.
'I've been using this to pick up lesbians since before you were born!'
You don't know weird until you've had a musical wet dream about your older brother.
I'm at the level of despair that only Panda Express can fix
Got really high to see my fist college experience unfold. Too high to find my classroom but I found the McDonald's down the street
I didn't really understand how big 10 inches is. Now I know.
I just bought two cartons of ice cream, 5 boxes of mac and cheese and a bridal magazine. Don't judge me.
Just FYI: if you happen to notice a liquid of some sort on my kitchen counter with an interesting color/ texture, don't taste it
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