your head's too prwtty to be stuck in the books
It started with Hannah Montana and ended with alcoholism.
no matter how many times i close my eyes and hit ignore on my phone. i must remind myself shit i still have to see her at work
i woke up with "only hugh can prevent florist friars" written up my arm ... i need to know what we did last night
I don't make the first move. Ever. Unless were playing monopoly cause that's my shit
I walked into his room and he was naked with a half eaten pecan pie and a bottle of wine.
This has been the most pleasant arrest experience I've ever had.
He waited until after foreplay to tell me that he didn't have a condom and "we" would just have to settle for a bj tonight...
All I could think about when I saw her was that she could be the mother of my future first round draft picks
I wanted to make out with that blonde just so I could deck her boyfriend and make things interesting.
At least that would be something.
my whole wardrobe smells like substance abuse
Maybe why that's why I'm perpetually single... I can't find a guy with bigger balls than mine.
I feel like him using the excuse "I'm not a fan of lying" to stop me from sleeping around is hypocritical since he's cheating on his wife with me.
Fuck the library it's too quiet and makes me uneasy. I feel like I'm so isolated I should take off my pants or something
You know that text I sent you last night at 2? That was 5 minutes before I ran face first into a wall of not okay
Randomize