Another night of drunkeness. Maybe I shouldn't have played death pong...
Didn't you just get a DUI last week?
Indeed I did but death didn't stop Jesus now did it
She celebrated a negative pregnancy test by going out to Quizno's. I really don't understand her at all.
still doesn't change the fact you were dunking your sock in the toilet.
He didn't speak any English, but I think I caught the word turtle in there somewhere.
Why would he say turtle mid-fuck?
Well today was Thanksgiving Anti-Miracle Daydrinkathon so I had to be drunk by 2pm
Walking back from greek row alone at 3:30am in a child's kangaroo suit...not my proudest moment
Frozen pudding on a popsicle stick. Bill Cosby would be so proud of drunk me.
how the fuck is Katelyn 5'1" and 85 lbs and she tackled a bouncer to the ground?
they superglued a cigarette to my fingers...i think I need to quit smoking.
If a vagina could give out awards, you should be preparing an acceptance speech.
I have a fannypack full of condoms and acid. Let's get weird.
ok so i took my anxiety medication and i'm eating junior mints and i think my vagina will be ok
I'm sorry. I slept with him again. On the plus side he's got better at it!
Russell is lonely. He needs a companion.
You're lucky you have a monster cock or most people may just laugh at your penis' nickname.
Just once, can I please come back to a room that doesn't smell like beer and cum?
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