I wish I could rss feed the hooker ads on craigslist because it looks suspicious that I check craigslist every hour.
dude I just realized something - girls return my clothes washed so in thought bringing girls home is like avoiding going to the laundramat
New all-time record for most uncomfortable I've ever been. A midget just asked me to restrap his fanny pack in the bathroom.
I just woke up to pictures of every angle of his dick I'll ever need to see.
Looking for things to spread butter on. Found men's briefs in garbage can. Lost insurance card. Summer has finally arrived
Our logic class started an hour ago, I walked out and found my sister drunk, sitting down, eating m&ms, afraid to walk in... I want her life
Also I walked home in over mitts \nLet's take a minute to really laugh about that
And now for everyone's least favorite sport... Drunk babysitting.
We got drunk and crashed a fifty year old woman's birthday party for the food. Whoops.
Just took physics exam. I think this is one of those 'chuck it in the fuck-it bucket and become an art major' days
If I was banging all the guys that people think I am, I'd quit buying batteries.
Banging to Billy Joel pandora is like russian roulette. But I made him cum to Let It Be so I we both walked away victors
Of course I fucked her, her man stole my bike when we were kids
I have never been that aroused while laughing my ass off in my life
They made the paper for stealing gnomes. I fucked a local celebrity.
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