the beds are so narrow its like a jenga threesome
Suite mates just came in and said that we have to go to Africa. They're already packed. Didn't know you could get that high.
Her name is Sherri and her sister's are Brandy and Champagne. Of course I want to meet her parents.
I don't know what it was about last night, but every bar that i went to there was at least one girl there that i had done something with. I'm sure the girl that i went with knew because they all grabbed my penis and told me to call them.
You don't realize it's a small world until your ex girlfriend's dad unintentionally messages you on grindr..what.the.fuck.
Donald Trump and I would be so adorably orange together!
I think our prof has caught onto our drinking game. He burst into the room with a big smile on his face and yelled "essentially! Essentially! Essentially!"
Remember the bouncer that knocked out Dave and Sam? Apparently his day job is a florist. Uppercut and fresh cut in one package.
I was so fucked up last night that I peed on his FATHER'S BED and fell asleep there. and yes. his father was asleep in the bed
My greatest accomplishment today was eating a box of Thai food the size of a toddler.
I'm literally beginning to think that my sex dreams are prophesies
So when did "Are you okay?" translate into "Don't tell me you got fucked by another rando after another rager"?
Stop making fun of my hookups!
Stop getting hookups that I can make fun of!
Turns out my GF and my FWB have a mutual friend. Yada yada yada, I need to crash on your couch
Wait you took his virginity AND broke his bed doing it
I know! I’m the best!
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