Idk man, it felt like my skin was a suit and I could feel it zipping up my side and up to my mouth. And then my head felt like a ventriloquist dummy's head, with the jaw thing..it was freaky, dude
You think that's a metaphor for anything, champ?
Shut the hell up.
I was born with a shot glass in my hand
make sure to take notes today. there is a guy in a wheelchair who might be getting a DUI from a cop on horseback. I'm gonna see this through.
The google font looked peculiar last night, but then up close I realized it was just dry vomit.
With any luck I will spend the duration of this flight with my tray table up my seatbelt securely fastened and my face in his lap
well she hit her head and had a concussion. i had to make out with her to keep her awake.
I think winning the long island race means you lose at life
They don't allow McDonald's in the ER. Go figure
Throwing up in his bed is not a step up in your relationship
I have a weapon and I'm not blacked out. Good as gold
in the future when you find clothing in your street, just assume it's mine.
I am not a slut. I'm just very open with how much I love to have sex. Stop judging.
She brought me back a blanket from Mexico, then we had sex on it
I ate 2 pot cookies before we left the house. Fuck Pokemon. I'm playing my own game.
I'm just hoping that with all the times he's puked in my yard a mushroom field might grow.
Randomize
