Something in my vomit makes me think I shouldn't have had that slurpee
i wonder if she gts uncomfortable walkin bu when she knows we all know what her pussy tastes like
some guy just asked me if water gets in a vag when girls take a bath. WTF. it's not a wind tunnel!
My mom said I should get that 'not fucking anybody' problem fixed.
using smirnoff bottles as a pillow actually isnt as uncomfortable as you would think
well... I just junk punched a carnie. Doesnt matter how, it still counts for my bucket list.
maybe her throwing up on me was a foreshadowing of how she would later metaphorically throw up on my life
I was changing in front of my window and my neighbor text me saying, "nice pubes."
Last night at McDonalds, you lied across the counter, pulled up your shirt and yelled "BODY SHOTS"...
Just walked into the library with a case of Strawberitas in hand.. no one said a word.. I think they were just impressed I knew where the library was
Dude, I traded weed for crunch berries. Happy Thursday.
My one night stand from last night is currently mowing my lawn for me.
You used a fucking bud light like as lube last night. I'd get a UTI test like stat.
But I don't see you as the jesus riding a dinosaur with a machine gun type of guy
this is the 3rd time this week I've gone to the liquor store to stock up for the next 2 weeks
Randomize
