Also my back is semi rug burned and I'm holding you fully responsible.
I would love to give you more rug burn
they started a semi-successful rumor that toby keith died. who says fraternities don't have goals
how do i say "thank you for the blowjob, but never talk to me again" without crushing her?
If you can't find your cat in the morning it's cause i put him in the laundry basket and then put the laundry basket in the shower.
No, but I woke up here and my pockets are full of raisins. Like 6 different pockets.
I've had balls on my face twice in last 48 hours and I STILL haven't got laid!
Hey Kellie. Me putting. My face intebetaeen ut your boobs made my night
Riding the train home at 6 am for class still drunk is losing its novelty in my junior year
You don't know how emotionally damaged I am from crashing into that park maintenance van. I'll never ride a bike because of it.
I achieved the level of drunk I wanted even with the length of dress I was in..
just wanted to eat pizza off his dick so he let me and he can never forget it
FUCK YOU VODKA I'M TRYING TO ADULT RIGHT NOW
I'm by myself. some Midwest chick is hitting on me because I gave her a deviled egg. I need the distraction.
He called me for phone sex. Do you know how hard it is to fake an orgasm, and play Candy Crush at the same time?
oh you can't commit, don't have any real ambitions, and love to drink PBR? well.... sign me up!
Randomize
