I was so drunk last night that I went into my 15 year old sisters room to have her peer edit the drunk texts I was sending to my ex.
my mind is a poorly written porno when i'm drunk.
Banging bitches in a bar bathroom is not legit as it was in college, there are no fistpumps afterward only shame
did i paint my nails blue or do i need to make a trip to the ER?
official rule: if your drunk, it doesn't count
then nothing in my life counts
Ummm so I'm at the hospital and just heard some guy get tazed......twice.
I have meat and whiskey. will you bring condoms?
They're either celebrating their tax money or trying to kill each other.
I just remember lots of butts and something about ranch dressing.
I kept on yelling at him to get his shit together as he was puking
I told him that we shouldn't complicate things. He responded with a dick pic.
I just ate the lyft drivers bacon cheeseburger. Well fuck me this night escalated quickly.
That song just makes me wanna take off my top and shake my titties all around the club.
"Uno más" are officially my least favorite words in the entire Spanish language.
She should be a lawyer. She convinced her husband to give her a hall pass AFTER he walked in on her in bed with her ex-bf
Randomize
