Not just anyone can homewreck on three continents simultaneously
you are my hero
I don't know what he sees in her. All I see are horrible pancake nipples
I mean I'm not worried about us not getting wasted. I'm more worried that I'll be doing a Boris yeltzen impression by 1030.
I do. There's a bald headed guy whose kinda hot. I might rub his head. I've only had 2 beers
We are not turning the camelbak into a beer bong
Still trying to wash and scratch the glitter off of my dick. That stripper should be banned.
The creepiest man is serenading me at the bar right now. I had about a quarter of a drink left and the bartender just walked over and filled it with vodka and walked away laughing.
You burned the hair off your arms. Again.
It grows back stronger each time.
He started yelling "you tha man!" while I was reverse cowgirl
Stop jerking off to vines my recommended list on YouTube is getting weird.
I want to bone him until his eyes fall out
Gay?
German.
Pity.
You know it's been a rough week when you funnel beers by yourself.
my life is like one bad, slutty lifetime movie.
She's gonna be mad if she finds out you put weed in her house warming cookies
Randomize
