Sometimes, when I'm driving alone I talk to myself in a Russian accent so I think it's my mommy and it calms me down.
question: does your pee smell like mojitos at all?
overheard a conversation between 2 lesbians: 'back when I used to have dick sex...' oh, vegas, I so heart you
did you know delaware is a STATE? HOLY CRAP! i didn't till i was hitting on this chick and asked her when she said she was from delaware, which state that was in. crazyness
He seriously just asked the doctor if taking the medicine for chlamydia was going to cut into his drinking time. Never let it be said that he is not dedicated.
Why the fuck is the royal wedding at 4am. That is obviously not the most appropriate time to drink during finals. It's like I'm bound to fail, by royal decree.
I'll wind up on his doorstep with a confused "oh you live here" expression, a feigned ankle injury and a seemingly fortunately placed bottle of tequila. I don't care what it takes: HIS MOUTH WILL BE ON MOUTH.
the repo guy said it was the first time he'd ever started to repo a car with someone fucking inside of it. he might have said 'doing it' instead.
sooo I am sorta kinda using your name as my stripper stage name.
Itll be like a collage of penis. And not that abstract, one penis in a big painting contemporary shit. Collage....
Theres either a bag of coke in my pocket or a bag of anthrax, either way last night got way to serious
we passed out in our seats at the game for about 3innings. I guess they showed it on the big screen. nap n rally!
And then we made magical love in his room under a blacklight as his roommate and girlfriend argued violently in the living room
I was so drunk last night I couldn't see faces, only from the shoulders down.
especially when i'm drunk. his dick might as well be made of cotton candy.
Randomize
