I feel like I'm in dance class right now
So at this point...I'm sure you heard the story about Saturday night
No, don't worry. We're not going to get THAT arrested.
So for a second i just thought clitoris was a disease.
Do you think it'll be awkward standing up at their wedding knowing I've slept with both the bride and the groom?
you spent the rest of the night making a recipe for mixed drink called "the new years bowel remover". it has 13 parts but judging from the bold all caps, the boiled avocado is the most important
Don't lose. A little bit of my soul dies every time a beer pong game is lost.
There was a group of girls next to us. One was smiling at me. I only remember walking up and saying "oh you're Russian". Not sure where it went from there
We let 3 boys take us home and then we woke up in the middle of the night, stole all the coozies out of the house, a loaf of bread, a case of water, a pair of shorts, called a cab, and went home.
I'm horny too so maybe we will both recap our regrets on Sunday
My mom just added me on Facebook... She has one like and it's Will Smith
Just remembered I said your cat looked delicious last night.
Definitely thought about throwing up in the cat box since it's not as far to the bathroom..
Ok well my life just seems more exciting by default because I'm dating my married boss and sexting with my ex
My cat is sitting in the window watching the neighbor's dogs doing it. I think she's lonely too.
Randomize