Oh and ps....i was sleeping soundly until i woke up by the sound of amy on the phone with her mom sobbing hysterically because she can't stop having the shits.
I was cleaning up my drunken mess and I found my ID in a cereal box
Um...any recollection of peeing in the pantry
Russian roulette. Between salvia and weed. You in?
FUCK YOU MAN
We could be hammered at a childrens film. You failed me
What is their policy on bow ties and belligerence?
Halloween is the only night where I would ever end up getting a guy's makeup all over my face
Over 50% of the drunkest nights I have ever had began with me saying "I'll just drink my dinner" to you.
I sent dad a photo of my graduation certificate from drug therapy class. It was his birthday so it seemed appropriate.
Been trying to fuck him since december. Finally got him into bed and he was uncircumcised. Why do bad things happen to good people?
She just started crying. With my dick still inside her. Something about her grandpa.
He played with my nipples while singing "How great thou art"
It was a bad idea to take ecstasy with cats in the house. No animal likes being touched that much. Let me know how your eye feels tomorrow
I am putting clothes on to go find a brownie
In my experiences, brownies are better naked.
I got locked into my place today. You might be wondering if that was a typo... It's not.
Randomize
