She looks like Robin Williams dressed as a frog.
Not only do prius' look terrible they are terrible to have sex in
Talk about awkward... Just went to dinner with my mother and realized I fucked our waiter the night before. She HAD to see the looks he was giving me!
threw up during christmas carols. the audience at the church seemed to immediately know i was a college student
u know how some weekends you just wanna go out and ruin a relationship? this is one of those weekends
we traced the origins of this shit fest of a relationship back to a single instance of road head. then we did a reinacment
It's not a good hook up if during you're thinking "how will this damage me psychologically"
Wtf man. I knew she was bad news. No sane person cares if you eat their raviolli.
Seriously? You DON'T remember putting all those Swedish fish in the waffle iron b/c you wanted "One big Swedish fish?" That waffle iron was a wedding gift.
I'm drunk from drinking bourbon out of a "cupcake sippy cup" at the Denny's bar. What the fuck happened to the goals I had?
Can someone please remind me later tonight that there's a taco in my purse. I may get drunk and forget I put it there
I just spent 3 hours in the back of an unmarked police cruiser. Best. Date. Ever.
I'm just concerned as to why his penis is two different colors.
I’m pretty sure I have teeth marks on my neck
One sec I was having the time of my life, the next I was shitting water
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