I'm saving my limes so I'll know how many drinks I've had.
I do the same thing, but I use ice cubes.
It's a pity Stephen Hawking can't do sarcasm.
I guess you don't remember pouring tequila in the dog bowl and slurping it.
she wouldn't stop crying, so we sang her to sleep. i'm guessing you will find her in the same position by the toilet in the morning. night.
the bride spent most of the night apologizing to people she had punched earlier.
Imagine that my comprehension level is that of a 7 year old and explain your plan again
The cops knocked on our door just to ask us if we were really having a no-pants party.
I cannot FaceTime with your penis
I swear to all that is holy, next time you get my mom high with your "special bake sale" I am going to put your dick in the blender.
So much for doing Irish car bombs in my grandpa's memory.... Asshole.
I'm chatting on my fake OkCupid account and watching Lion Witch & Wardrobe on my second screen. Hail me, King of the Creepers
EVERYTHING IS DISNEY. Even my sexting can lead to Disney.
All I remember is sitting on your kitchen floor and playing with a banana like it was a viking ship.
Can I come by? I want you to meet my squirrel
I think it might be the guy sitting next to me. I've concluded he HAS to be smuggling insane amounts of onions in his wardrobe to smell like that
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