i want two things in life...emily to stop talking and a block of cheese.
The professor just announced to the class that I talked to him in the bar on my birthday.
Its like a 4.5 hour drive but there's drinking involved so I'm destined to go
You told him how lucky he was to be an elephant and kept trying to grab his "trunk"
Everytime I see a couple on campus walking and holding hands I just want to yell he's gonna lie!
someone needs to get her out of the garbage can shes never gonna forgive us for this
I had to brake up with him.
In my experience drinking helps.
You dont want to know why?
Not really. I want to drink.
I was in a house full of lesbians and they were all staring at me. I felt like the last cresent roll on Thanksgiving.
So how many licks to the face does it take to get kicked out of the bar?
It looks like a tornado ripped through our living room and scattered clothes everywhere.
Count the bras. It was a category 3 whorenado ... I convinced the lesbians to come back to the apartment for a bottle of wine.
I guess? According to Jeff his mom is wondering when the grand babies will arrive. So I don't think they like ME so much as my supposed functioning uterus
Tried to land my foot on his shoulder and kicked him in the face. Then I fell into a homeless man's bike and posed with a buffalo head. How was your night?
oh the usual. high as balls and crying about the hunger games.
we both turned hook ups into relationships we are crushing this thing called life right now.
Me too...I'm driving to work trying to figure out if I put my pants on the right way.
Randomize
