my bed looks and feels like i need to buy plan b.
last time I sleep in the lobby. woke up to some girl asking me what floor I lived on. somebody put me, couch included, on the elevator.
explain the missing patches of hair on my cat. now.
if the best thing you can say about him is "he probably wont kill me" you may want to rethink hanging out with him
Just sponge bathed with a swissper. Thrush inevitable. Shaking.
I demanded respect from my fuck buddy. Drunk me is not fun.
That gas station is used for only two things, picking up moonshine and getting murdered. Only two outcomes.
You're doing a terrible job of letting me hook up with girls vicariously through you.
We have a vagina exchange agreement. Neither of us can hook up with any of our own law firm's summer associates. So we have a scout and referral program and invite each other to the other firm's summer events. Criss-cross!! Works every summer.
I just sang Hey Jude with a homeless man and then we drank beer together. Then I watched asians take pictures under a xmas tree for an hour and fell asleep in an MGM Grand bathroom stall. #AloneinVegas
Like if it it's practical for your sexual health I'm allergic to it AKA REGULAR CONDOMS
you flipped over the sheets and there was my bed. filled with ding dongs.
Watching the awkward tinder date at the table next to mine is the most action I've had in months, so there's that.
I seriously thought Satan had his hand up my asshole and was pulling out my soul. Never. Again.
I was just in the bathroom and some guy yelled all hail the king... i cant go anywhere without getting recognized anymore.
Randomize
