Jerry, you need to find god
Anddd after the worst sex of my life, he said.."do you mind taking off the condom, tying it up, and throwing it at the door?" Weird.
You asked him to stand still, you put your leg on his shoulder, started dry humping the air
dressing as green man for st patrick's day = free drinks all night long
i was told that i was found face down in a plate of ketchup at the dinner table
tell that swedish kid i didnt take his shotgun. he GAVE it to me.
I was the one passing out cake at the bars
we found her in my closet eating a clove of garlic.
Just found bacon bits in my pocket. Blackout buffet is the best.
I don't know if I should be scared or excited that I can officially drink vodka on the rocks like it's 7up.
YOU CAN'T BASE A RELATIONSHIP OFF A PENIS
I LIKE HIS TONGUE TOO.
I just windexed my mirror headboard, Lets get to work.
Nothing like cleaning out your cleavage from lunch, finding cookie crumbs and eating them...
How do I convince my friend not to get tattoo tributes to her cats?
WHO DOES THAT
I told her it'd send up tons of red flags and she responded by telling me they're her babies. And she's sober.
so third time im replacing the batteries on my vibrator in 2 months #sosingle....on another note though, black beauty is raring to go
Randomize
