If Ritalin and Plan B had an illegitimate child it would smell like me.
.....then i was kicked out of my work christmas party......
There are some college kids out at 4 in the morning dragging each other on a sled behind a bike. its too entertaining to call the cops
You were passed out on the chair and when I asked you if you were okay you looked up and said "I'm fine, I was just pretending for a picture" then passed out again.
Hold on there are flying pancakes I can't handle this right now
Still trying to wash and scratch the glitter off of my dick. That stripper should be banned.
You haven't had the true md experience until you've had your crotch grabbed by a drunk stripper with a snaggle tooth in front of your coworkers.
I will fuck him senseless, no need for a priest.
I only have one eye to read your texts because I just stabbed one out after reading that last text.
Sorry I dragged you across a parking lot
We're gonna have screwdrivers in a cab at 4am?
Is that weird?
Might as well permanently tattoo lush somewhere on my body and show it to people when I decide to drink so they won't serve me.
Here is your half hour reminder. Meet you at emergency room.
Dude I just saw a beer truck w taps in the side... It's like god heard my prayers and sent me a gift from heaven
How drunk do you guys plan on getting?
We wrote our addresses on our arms for the cab driver, what do you think?
What are you talking about? Keg stands at wedding are super classy.
Randomize
