OMg patrick swayze is the sexuest man he is killing me I'm gonna get dehydrated if I don't stop looking at him
After I made out with her she fell asleep and started pooting in her sleep. Are we sure lesbians are hot? Cause that wasn't.
i feel like my life has become an afroman song and idk whether i should be sad about that or not
i have this theory that all the people in the world who dont like mayonnaise had very bad encounter with jizz once
susan atkins died, charles manson's lady
dont cry, there are other serial killers to crush on.
I have a feeling this won't be the last time I wake up wrapped in a shower curtain with the words "Blame Bono" spray painted on it
They seriously just ended our alcohol presentation by giving us beer cozies. I love college.
I just had a formal request to dress as a boyscout for my meeting with Legal on Friday. From Legal. Time to go home.
Should I tell her she gave me head in the kitchen while I was eating a cupcake or would that hurt her dignity too much?
I drunken agreed to go wedding dress shopping with a stranger at the bar yesterday. She sent me an email asking what days I am free.
So I bought some random chick a shot she puked in her hands then I watched her make out with my roommate
I think I just snorted head and shoulders by mistake.
We should discuss this later when sobriety has returned. Right now he's just like a distant cousin.
I’m a coke loving, addy selling, pot smoking CRIMINOLOGY major. If there isn't irony in that I give up.
Is it sad or funny that I just bought two pregnancy test at the dollar store to give away to people on New Year's Eve while driving for Uber.
Randomize
