I just learned that your liver regrows itself every 2 months. Best news I've heard all week.
dude just did a line with screech. dude is fucking creepy
I come back home for break and my room is full of weed either my parents really love me or they are having more fun then I am in college
And the horses in Central Park have blankets. And Rafiki just told me "it is time" in the back of our cab.
You rang?
Saw a ginger and the first thing I thought of doing was yelling "you have no soul!" so I called you so we can yell it together with you on speakerphone.
Oh you have the munchies, Dad? That's great and congratulations on the weed but STOP EATING MY APPLE PIE
My roommate was tripping balls last night, he kept me up all fucking night
Roommate? Please tell me you're not calling your cat your roommate
You need to stop thinking about the needs of your vagina and concentrate on the greater good
We fucked like animals and then decided we actually liked each other so then we made love. It's a match made in heaven.
Hey I didn't mean to be all lemme get with your ex husband.
I assume you passed out however I'm drinking jäger and beer in bed with my cat so your friendship world have been appreciated
Adulthood is weird i just cleared a check larger than my gross income from 2011 but i also just did coke during my lunch break
Ladies night is a gift from god. If it weren't for that, I'd probably be selling my eggs for booze money.
OMG also, I'm sorry I tased you a lil
Just woke up beside some twink in a kilt.. how is your sunday going
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