Did the walk of shame past her kids. I'm younger than one of them.
guy in the car over is getting some terrible road head. he just gave me a thumbs down when he noticed i was watching.
Halloween has nothing on dressing up as as the INS on cinco de mayo
Remember the time we were horrifically hung over, went to mcdonalds, an you merely felt the weight of the mcnuggets box and knew there was an extra?
like it was yesterday
Screw it. I'll show up in a white dress with a sign that says " I fucked the groom and it wasn't that great."
I think the pivotal moment was when we used the see and say as a drinking game with shots of whiskey. It was all downhill after that.
At one point I was giving him a handjob and I started singing Call Me Maybe
Did you like my voicemail? Sounded like I was being murdered, right?
By a pack of ravenous dildos
I just caught myself watching and Irish step dance documentary in my underwear drinking nyquil through a straw at 2 in the afternoon. today's off to a good start.
I got so stoned last night I thought I was in second grade again
Peeing out the car window on the way home was a nice touch. In December, in Michigan, at 3am. Never seen a girl do that before. Neither had the guy in the minivan next to us.
Hey Cat, it's Michael. You made out with me for a hot dog last night and I feel super used.
You can't do wine Netflix and blow jobs in the bed you've had since 5th grade with your parents downstairs
She's astronaut crazy. She will wear Depends and drive 12 hrs non-stop if you swipe right.
Challenge accepted
Got my client divorced finally. He was even awarded the cat ashes. Yep I went to law school for this.
Randomize
