new low.... made out with someone while peeing
you were stealing lawn gnomes and punching cars. I'm not surprised you got arrested.
Just took a beer bong out of snuffaluffagus's trunk. Your move
when she asked where we met, i said the liquor store. the next words out of moms mouth? 'oh that's real promising molly'
some fat dude with wolverine facial hair just walked out of your room with a snuggie. explanation needed.
It was like watching porn, except it was in real life, and it was starring two of your best friends.
Whiskey and an unstable home life is apparently the fountain that 20-something boys like to drink from.
I ran into the bouncer who kicked me out of that beach bar a few months ago. I told him I'd only been thrown out of two other places since then. He was proud.
Look at you go. You're like the Slutty Librarian that Could. They should write children's books about you. Children's books for adults.
I knew us throwing ourselves at him back in the day would pay off. I'm gonna b a divorcees rebound. Score!
Is there a word in the English dictionary for impressed, yet disgusted?
I think the word you're looking for is flabbergasted.
I made it crystal clear I'm only upset because he's not anywhere fit to be a father of my unborn zygote
I forgot about snapchatting a pic of us, but I remember flossing with your hair.
Today I learned that when you lick a mans butthole, you get wined and dined at a nice french restaurant.
You are an awesome peach made of glitter.
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