Phrase i just heard while watching the U.S. open: "Boy they have really trimmed it well, this has got to be the tightest hole in the Open."
someone, somewhere in austin has to have a muppet
fyi, if youre wondering if offering a female police officer sexual favors will get you out of a ticket, the answer is no.
Theres a truck parked on the front yard and i just want to take this opportunity to tell you now that it is not my fault.
He somehow managed to bang-mail me last night. I woke up this morning to a voicemail from 1:54 a.m. of moaning and screaming. I now know how talented he is and how annoying I am to have sex with.
The bouncer yelled at him for poking at the guy selling roses, I think it's time to leave.
Dude she's on meds. He has a ginormous penis. Ur A dumbass. That concludes our feelings chat. Dim Sumday?
By the way I got my period today. No NHL babies for me.
Nothing like waking up and watching Dr. Phil and masturbating. It's like a protein shake for the day.
So I have to masturbate in a hospital. I wonder what kind of porn they have.
No. You don't want this. When I threw up last night, it was so intense I went blind for about 3 seconds.
took shots off of a myriad of fake boobs last night. It was glorious.
I was drunk and on Craigslist.. The drunk-text offers people got must have been either horrifying or glorious
You got stoned and bought $300 worth of pudding. Again! Why do YOU think she left you?
Fuck this virus. We’re finally back on campus but the bars suck parties are banned sports are canceled we eat in our rooms and can’t fucking hangout with anyone. I’m tired of virtual classes and involuntary celibacy
OMG IKR! It’s not college unless we’re puking in a toilet wondering if we’re pregnant or just hungover!
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