If she sees it and stops hooking up w/ me then you owe me
My penis is bigger than his and I don't even have a penis.
Important life lesson - flammable and inflammable mean the same thing
Okay. Did anyone see me spend $1600 at the strip club last night? Or is this someone else's receipt in my pocket?
She greeted me with a new giants jersey and an opening day blowjob. this is true love.
I invented the best game. It's called "what touched my exposed nutsack?" It can range from pillows to toothbrushes
they paper machayed me.
i told you ... never pass out drinking with preschool teachers.
My whole family just stopped to look at me and aknowledge how fucked up I am.
On the shuttle bus from the Casino the driver refused to take us to the strip club so you said "let me off this bus or ill puke on you".
Let's go buy marshmallows and play chubby bunny until we feel alive again
I was masturbating and a roofer walked past my bedroom window.
I just want cinnabon and vodka.
yeah the cops just showed up and they got there ass handed to them at beer pong.
I think I had Hypothermia but was too drunk to notice.
Never. No amount of alcohol could convince my brain and eye sight that it is okay to fuck him. I'd rather fuck my cousin.
Randomize
